May 23, 2006
Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives! (1989) (part 3 of 12)
We get a look at the stage, and I guess the look-alike contest is also a sound-alike contest, because the contestants are on stage taking turns performing… Well, guess what song they’re performing? This sound-alike component is a lucky thing, because as we pan across the hopefuls, who are all standing at the back of the stage wearing black ’80s muscle tees and trying not to fidget, we get hilarious confirmation that not a single one of them looks the slightest bit like Eddie Wilson. There’s even a beefy guy who must have gotten lost and thought he was at the contest for Reb Brown look-alikes. (Now that would be big news.)
Alas, it’s not a sound-alike deal; Our waiter/actor/performer is merely lip-syncing (or perhaps limp-syncing is a better term) to the same cut of “On the Dark Side” that we just heard five minutes ago. During this, there’s a long shot of the Calvin Klein models—sorry, I mean the “Eddie Wilson look-alikes”—as they watch the current contestant performing. They’re all trying to look butch and stoic, except one of them is ever so slightly grooving to the music. You just can’t resist the charms of John Cafferty, I tell you. I know the music in this movie had me up and dancing. No, sorry, that was just my colon.
Meanwhile, the clown on stage is still fake-singing, pushing his lips out like a low-rent Mick Jagger, and the crowd is going nuts, clapping over their heads like they’ve never experienced rock-and-roll before, like they’re rock-and-roll virgins, for Pete’s sake. Cut to Bill Cosby, looking bored. I mean, to Michael Paré, trying to look—well, what do we s’pose Eddie is feeling here, as his old nemesis Satin Records exploits him all over again? Annoyance? Helplessness? Rage? Constipation? Who knows? From his facial expression, the last one seems most likely.