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ABC's Very Special Dirty Dancing Remake
May 30, 2017
Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives! (1989) (part 1 of 12)
The Cast of Characters:
Eddie Wilson/Joe West (Michael Paré). Once a Jersey shore rocker on his way to the big time, Eddie retired from the music business after his tragic death and took up construction work in Montreal. There he occasionally shares his lunch box with other dead rock stars like Elvis, Jimi, Janis, and Leo Sayer. It’s the part Michael Paré says he was born to play, poor bugger. You might remember Paré from—um. Let’s see, he’s in the first five minutes of Hope Floats, and… hmm. Let me get back to you, okay? 
Diane (Marina Orsini). An artist who drags Eddie’s secret out of him after a night of passion that registers something like a 9 out of 10 on the Sad and Unwatchable seX scale. Orsini is best known, if that’s the right term, for playing a character who watches a lot of hockey on a popular French-Canadian TV show. She gets to watch hockey in this movie, too. 
Rick Diesel (Bernie Coulson). Obtuse Canadian rockstar-wannabe who latches onto Joe/Eddie as his one shot at someday getting booked at the Windsor, Ontario Airport Ramada. Coulson’s biggest claim to fame is that he was once roommates with an as-yet-undiscovered Brad Pitt. No, seriously, that’s pretty much it. 
Sal Amato (Matthew Laurance). Eddie’s old bass player from back in the day, who’s smart enough to know that even if Eddie’s not dead, his career sure is. Since the first Eddie and the Cruisers, Laurance had parlayed his success into a starring role in the 1987 sitcom Duet, the first worst show ever on the fledgling Fox network. 
Hilton Overstreet (Anthony Sherwood). Springsteen knock-offs have to have a black sax player who dispenses sage advice, right? What? Wendell Newton died in the first movie? No problem, we got plenty more where he came from! Sherwood’s previous credit is something called Spies, Lies & Naked Thighs with Ed Begley Jr., so this gig in a crappy rock-and-roll sequel might actually be a step up.
Eddie Wilson/Joe West (Michael Paré). Once a Jersey shore rocker on his way to the big time, Eddie retired from the music business after his tragic death and took up construction work in Montreal. There he occasionally shares his lunch box with other dead rock stars like Elvis, Jimi, Janis, and Leo Sayer. It’s the part Michael Paré says he was born to play, poor bugger. You might remember Paré from—um. Let’s see, he’s in the first five minutes of Hope Floats, and… hmm. Let me get back to you, okay? Diane (Marina Orsini). An artist who drags Eddie’s secret out of him after a night of passion that registers something like a 9 out of 10 on the Sad and Unwatchable seX scale. Orsini is best known, if that’s the right term, for playing a character who watches a lot of hockey on a popular French-Canadian TV show. She gets to watch hockey in this movie, too. Rick Diesel (Bernie Coulson). Obtuse Canadian rockstar-wannabe who latches onto Joe/Eddie as his one shot at someday getting booked at the Windsor, Ontario Airport Ramada. Coulson’s biggest claim to fame is that he was once roommates with an as-yet-undiscovered Brad Pitt. No, seriously, that’s pretty much it. Sal Amato (Matthew Laurance). Eddie’s old bass player from back in the day, who’s smart enough to know that even if Eddie’s not dead, his career sure is. Since the first Eddie and the Cruisers, Laurance had parlayed his success into a starring role in the 1987 sitcom Duet, the first worst show ever on the fledgling Fox network. Hilton Overstreet (Anthony Sherwood). Springsteen knock-offs have to have a black sax player who dispenses sage advice, right? What? Wendell Newton died in the first movie? No problem, we got plenty more where he came from! Sherwood’s previous credit is something called Spies, Lies & Naked Thighs with Ed Begley Jr., so this gig in a crappy rock-and-roll sequel might actually be a step up. To read the rest of this article, support the Agony Booth on Patreon.
Mark "Scooter" Wilson
Mark is a history guy, a graphics guy, a guy for whom wryly cynical assessments of popular culture are the scallion cream cheese on the toasted everything bagel of life. He spends his time teaching modern history at Brooklyn College, pondering the ancient Romans at the CUNY Graduate Center, and conjuring maps and illustrations for ungrateful bankers at various Manhattan monoliths. Readers are welcome to guess at reasons why he's nicknamed Scooter, with the proviso that all such submissions are guaranteed to be rather more interesting than the truth. Mark lives in the Midwood section of Brooklyn with a happy-go-lucky, flop-eared dog named Chiyo who is probably, at this very moment, waiting patiently for her walkies.
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