Easy Kill (1989) (part 2 of 7)

Frank explains that he owns the bar in the following exchange of tender dialogue:

Frank: Look, let me tell you something, I run that bar back there. Everyday I see people coming and drinking themselves stupid. You know why?
Jade: I’m not an alcoholic.
Frank: I didnt say you were an alcoholic. But you’re alone, and that’s where it starts. Believe me. I know.

They drive around for a while, until Frank stops and Jade jumps out of the car. In a long shot, however, we see there’s no stoplight or stop sign anywhere near Frank’s car. So apparently Frank stopped his car for the sole purpose of letting Jade jump out. He yells at her to get back in, but she ignores him and keeps running (She may be attempting to escape from this movie). Frank gets back in his car, and drives around looking for her, but there’s no sign of her. Eventually he gives up and drives back to the bar.

Easy Kill (1989) (part 2 of 7)

Tell me the truth… Do you see a stop sign anywhere in this shot?

Frank parks his car across the street from the bar and gets out. In the background, we see the headlights of another car appear. The car speeds up, almost running Frank down. Frank hops onto the hood of a nearby parked car to avoid getting hit, and to say this stunt is weakly executed would be too kind. As the car drives off, we notice that it’s Alex’s Pontiac from the first scene.

When Frank goes back inside, Cameron Mitchell (whose character’s name is Eddie) informs Frank that someone was just in there asking about "that pretty classy lady", presumably Jade. Frank wants to know if the guy asking about Jade drove a Pontiac, though how Eddie could see that from behind the bar is anyone’s guess (We saw the outside of the club, and it clearly has no windows facing the street).

Frank also wants to know if the car (which Eddie didn’t see) was blue. "Blue, green, yellow — I don’t know!" Eddie says, then adds, "This town is full of creeps!" I’m not sure what that has to do with anything.

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Frank goes to take off, telling Eddie to lock up. Eddie asks, "No action tonight, huh?" Frank replies, "None tonight." None in this movie, that’s for sure.

Frank drives to Jade’s house (She gave him her address, remember? Actually, I won’t blame you if you forgot by this point). Anyway, there’s a huge sign on the front lawn that informs us this is the residence of "A. ANDERSON" in letters as big as my head.

Easy Kill (1989) (part 2 of 7)

Here Frank dramatizes many a critic’s fondest fantasy.

Frank gets out and walks up to the gate. Behind him, Alex’s Pontiac suddenly appears, cornering Frank against the gate. In response, Frank pulls out his gun [?]. When he does this, the Pontiac immediately pulls out in reverse. Then Frank breathes a huge sigh of relief. Does anyone have the faintest notion of what’s going on here?

Frank goes back to his car, but then Jade pulls up in a cab. She pays the driver, but seems not to notice Frank at all, even though he’s in her field of view and all of ten feet away.

Frank runs up to her, and asks her about the Pontiac. She responds with, "He’s trying to kill me!" If I was Frank, I’d say, he’s trying to kill you? What was he trying to do with me? Make a new friend?

Now we get a weird moment as Frank walks away, and Jade just stands there for a long time. Presumably, this is so that Frank could pick her up in his car and they can drive through the gate to her house together. However, Jade never asked him to, and Frank never suggested this. Whatever.

As they drive in, Frank again asks who the guy in the Pontiac was, but Jade’s not talking. Frank says, "Well, whoever he is, he’s very dangerous." I’m not sure how he reached that conclusion. I mean, I wouldn’t mind running Frank Stallone down with a Pontiac, either, but does that make me a violent psychopath?

Easy Kill (1989) (part 2 of 7)

Can you spot Jane Badler?

They go inside, and we see the interior of the house is as white as Jade’s dress. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this was a motif. I mean, it’s almost like the director went to film school and everything.

We get some time wasting dialogue where Frank deduces Jade is married. Then he continues with inane questions like "You’re not from around here, are you?" There’s no way he could have guessed that from what she’s done so far. But, naturally, Frank is right. It turns out Jade lived in Washington up until 3 months ago.

She takes off her shoes and Frank takes a long look at her gams. Then she announces, "I feel really dirty, I gotta get out of these clothes." Some of the dialogue in this film seems to have been taken from bad softcore porn movies. But, lest you get your hopes up, this movie has no intention of delivering very much in the sex and nudity department.

So, we get fleeting glimpses of Jade in the shower that are carefully shot to avoid showing anything. Meanwhile, Frank is going through her purse, and examinging one of her shoes [!], turning it over in his hands. Okay, maybe I could see him sneaking a peek at the contents of her purse. But her shoes? For God’s sake, what could he possibly hope to learn by looking at her shoes?

Now Jade comes out dressed in, what else, a white robe. We get more time wasting dialogue before Frank asks, yet again, about the guy in the Pontiac who tried to run him over earlier. Jade doesn’t want him to get involved, but Frank rather unconvincingly insists that he’s already involved.

Easy Kill (1989) (part 2 of 7)

Frank Stallone, ace private eye.

For some reason, Jade is touched by this, and an insipid piano ballad begins to play in the background. Jade starts crying as he holds her, leading most viewers to assume the inevitable sex scene is just around the corner. "Ooh," Jade coos, "I need to get some sleep." Yep, here it comes, is what I’m sure you’re thinking.

Sorry, but you’d be wrong. Instead, Frank tells her to go bed and starts to leave. Jade grabs hold of him, hysterically begging him not to go. This convinces Frank to hang out for a little while longer.

He asks where he can take a shower, and then we’re treated to yet another shower scene, only this time it’s Frank Stallone. Yeck. And why exactly does he need to take a shower in the first place? Oh yeah, to eat up some more of the film’s running time.

After Frank comes out of the shower, Jade finally reveals that the man in the Pontiac is her husband Alex, something the rest of us had figured out about three pointless conversations ago. Jane Badler’s accent is pretty evident in scene. She pronounces "Pontiac" as "Pohn-ti-ahk". Now, to be fair to Jane, actors in real movies aren’t expected to have their accents completely perfect. That’s why real movies have things like dialogue coaches, and also why they sometimes reshoot or redub scenes where the accent wasn’t exactly right. Unfortunately for Jane, this isn’t a real movie.

Jade repeats that her husband is trying to kill her. Frank responds, "Kill. That’s a pretty big word." [!] Oh, help me.

Frank wants her to call the cops, but she can’t for reasons that she won’t divulge. But, she insists her husband won’t come back as long as Frank is there. Frank agrees to stay. He tells her to lie down in bed. Can you guess what he does next? Yes, that’s right, he leaves the room. Did I mention that Frank is the "hero", and thus, a perfect gentleman?

Let’s ponder the situation before going forward. Jade just invited a man she’s known for maybe fifteen minutes to spend the night in her house. All she knows about him is that his name is Frank and that he owns a bar (and that’s assuming he told her the truth).

Frank, on the other hand, has decided to spend the night in the house of a strange woman who admits her husband is trying to kill her. And Frank was almost run over by this same husband. So, needless to say, neither one of them is looking too bright at this point.

Multi-Part Article: Easy Kill (1989)

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  • danbreunig

    This is the one that started it all, right Albert “Dr. Winston” O’Boogie?

    And now jump to Supergirl…

    Proof that the more things change, the more they stay the same–the same being crap movies up for review. So appropriate that you were the reviewer for both (well, *recapper* for one). Happy 1000th.!