May 20, 2014
I Don’t Know How To Tell You This But Tori Spelling’s Reality Show Might Be Staged
Our evil stepsister, TerribleNewsForTerriblePeople.com, talks a lot of smack about Jezebel. It’s not them so much; it’s their #lolbabyfeminists commenters, blech. But we must give credit where it’s due: Jezebel has BLOWN THE LID OFF the burning mystery of our time: whether Tori Spellings’ reality show might be staged.
Apparently Tori Spelling has a reality show. It is with her husband, whose name Google tells us is Dean McDermott, which explains who the “McDermott” is that those video widgets have been telling us all week wanted to kill himself or something, who cares even NOT YOU that is who not!
Yep. That’s the one.
But does Jezebel have obsessively compiled evidence that Tori Spelling’s reality show, True Tori, is scripted? You bet your sweet bubby it does! Let us examine it, together:
Dean returns home from rehab just before Liam’s birthday party and the change in his mood is immediate—something the couple remarks on right in front of him in what appears to be a heavily-outlined scene shot with meticulous camera angles.
But are there credit card receipts showing something something BENGHAZI? Yes.
But back to Liam’s Minecraft-themed backyard birthday party: Tori was photographed by paparazzi filming the scene in the party supply store with Liam on April 3 (using Dean’s credit card and license to purchase the items). Then she was photographed filming her visit to Dean in treatment on April 4. The party happened sometime after that.
However, Liam’s birthday is in the beginning of March. And Tori blogged about his party—a Skylander-themed celebration at Pump It Up—on March 20. So it would seem that the backyard party several weeks later—which was supposedly stressing Tori out as she operated as a single mom to throw her little boy the party of his dreams—wasn’t really necessary for any reason other than to create the drama of having Dean around Tori’s judgmental and angry friends for the first time since his cheating scandal.
Ho. Ly. Shit.
2. Story Producers
The show has story producers. The Jezebel author deep-dives on their Linked-Ins.
Steve Youel, a story producer for True Tori, states some of his skills on his LinkedIn:
Create and conceptualize storylines;
Locate and audition cast members;
Develop detailed pre-and post production schedules;
Secure clearances for shoot locations.
Auditioning cast members and creating storylines seem like pretty run-of-the-mill job descriptions for a filmmaker—except that Youel has worked exclusively in reality TV.
There is more though. Is there ever more. For instance, a makeup artist is listed in the credits, as is a home tutor for the children, which is mandated when you are a child working ON A MOVIE OR TV SHOW, so “True Tori” must therefore be either a movie or a TV show!
3. Dr. Ann Wexler
Tori says that she’s been a patient of Dr. Wexler’s “off-and-on” since her late 20s. Does she look familiar? She was the couples therapist featured on Gene Simmons Family Jewels. Interestingly, if you type “Gene Simmons Family Jewels” into a Google search the first thing that pops up is “fake.”
4. Tori Left Her Mic Pack On
That’s it, Tori left her mic pack on.
DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES! Wait, that doesn’t work. Fuck it, do it anyway.