Donald Trump Simply Does Not Care For Gay Ram Michael Sam’s Erotic Food Play

Did you magically become a St. Louis Rams fan when Michael Sam joyfully kissed his cute boyfriend after Saturday’s draft? US TOO! Donald Trump and his fellow idiots at Fox & Friends, however, did not! The several kisses were closed-mouthed and respectable, because Michael Sam only gets naughty on video when there are gay lesbian ladies throwing panties at him. (He is a lover, that Michael Sam.)

But even so Donald Trump thought it was “kind of out there.” And everybody else on Fox & Friends got VERY MAD because some bigots in the NFL got fined by their private employer for tweeting bigotty shit about Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend, and FREE SPEACH!

Now now now, don’t get Steve Doocy wrong, they’re not talking about Michael Sam’s gay kiss, no no no, no, not at all! They are just asking why Tim Tebow got LITERALLY crucified for being a Christian — you all remember when we took turns pounding the nails into his hands and feet, while dancing naked for Wicca? — but here is a Miami Dolphin and he got fined for tweeting something, who knows, it is deleted, and now he has to get RE-EDUCATED.

Way to go, NFL, now you are as bad as POL POT!!!1!

Then Donald Trump started going on about something about a gay cake, who even knows, it makes as much sense as anything else that thing on top of his head whispers to him.

Oh, here. We found this video of the gay cake … OF DOOM.

Case closed, Michael Sam and his boyfriend will burn in hell for all eternity, for being “out there” with their food.

You don’t even want to know what they do with rutabagas.


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  • elvigy

    Actually, um, I kind of do want to know about the rutabagas. For a friend.

    • John

      Yes, I would like to know, as well…for a friend of a friend…

  • Joseph

    Little Timmy Tebow was pilloried because he was a shitty football player not because he was a Christian. Sgeve Doocy doesn’t get that because he is as bad at his job as Tim Tebow was at his.

  • M H

    Couldn’t the haters just be honest? I mean, I feel uncomfortable too – but it’s because he’s YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE MY SON so I can’t have a crush on him without being gross.

  • I’m jealous of the cake!

  • jaz hentai

    the gay cake of doom sounds nice,

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Why is smashing cake in the face of the person you love even a thing at all? I so don’t get it. I do not want cake smushed in my face, not even by my hot soon-to-be NFL player boyfriend.

    • Bacillus

      Hell, Michael Sam can mush gay cake in my face all he wants!

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Michael Sam can mush Michael Sam in my face all he wants. Just sayin’…