Mar 15, 2021
Don Johnson's "Heartbeat" (part 1 of 2)
I know what you’re thinking: Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat”? Are you for real? (Actually, what you’re probably thinking is Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat”? What the fuck? But I took the liberty of cleaning up your thoughts for you.)
Well, ever since I started this new Agonizer section where I can post short articles, I’ve been jonesing to do an in-depth review of a short piece of film. Like, say, a music video. And what music video could possibly be worse than Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat”?
Yes, I know the answer before you even can think of emailing me: R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t be a good candidate for the Agonizer, because not only is the video completely insane, but the damn thing is over thirty minutes long. Add to that the behind the scenes doc, the commentary track (which is almost as hilarious as the video itself), the bootleg footage of R. Kelly spastically performing part of the song at the 2005 MTV Video Music Awards, and the VH1 special that included interviews with the cast members—while they stayed in character—and it becomes obvious that “Trapped in the Closet” is worthy of no less than a full, extended recap. Presuming, of course, that I can tolerate one hour of the same two chords played over and over. (I know that I got through Night of Horror, but at least that was three chords played over and over for an hour.)