VIDEO: Delgo (2008)

by · October 7, 2011

In this episode of The Movie Skewer, Ryan ventures outside of his comfort zone of Saturday morning cartoons to bring you Delgo, one of the biggest box office bombs of all time, and undisputed world record holder for the worst opening weekend for a wide release ever.

Delgo is the trite tale of two species battling for control of their generic fantasyland and the star-crossed lovers (voiced by Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Jennifer Love Hewitt) caught in the middle, featuring cheap CGI, endless clichés, and terrible comic relief courtesy of an exceptionally irritating Chris Kattan.

If you missed this one in theaters (and odds are very, very good that you did), here’s your chance to find out if it’s as bad as its domestic gross suggests!

If you enjoyed this video, check out Ryan’s Guide to Lost!

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Ryan Lohner

Ryan lives in Sparta, New Jersey, a quaint little burg without much for kids to do except go to the movies. Thus began a lifelong love affair, as even back then he grew to love examining why a film worked, or didn't. He is a member of the Sigma Tau Delta English Honor Society, and currently studying for a Master's Degree in Library and Information Science. His hobbies include running, piano, and annoying people with that damn lowercase forum user name.

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  • Xvbones

    Mr. Lohner, I look forward to each of your contributions to this site.

    • Xvbones

      I should probably also add; “entertaining as ever.”

      I have to be honest, I’ve been hoping the Agony Booth would do Delgo; I’ve read plenty about how fucking atrocious it was and how legendarily it bombed, but I’ve never wanted to shell out any amount of money to see it for myself.

      Agony Booth to the rescue.

      (btw, Mr. Lohner, please consider a career in acting. I mean this as praise, but you could easily take up the roles Steve Buscemi is now too old for. I know that being told you resemble a young Steve Buscemi doesn’t SOUND like praise, but it… really, it totally is. It’s the way you stare just past the camera as you speak – with perfect diction. It lends an air of surreality to what is otherwise a fairly static image of you, and it’s fucking magic. It flavors the reviews with an additional layer of craziness, like you are trying to make sense of something that cannot be made sense of. I’m sorry if that didn’t make any sense; but get an acting agent and tell him you are all set to get cracking on Fargo 2: The Fargoning.)

  • Michael A. Novelli

    So, we meet again…

    (shattakoosh!)

    (flute)

  • spiff2268

    Top notch, Mr. Ryan, top notch. Jump on any more chances to host this show.

    Also, hurry the hell up with the next Saturday Morning Glory! I’m really jonesing here!

  • Premier Blah

    Interesting, but I thought you would be harsher on this movie.

  • Monterey Jack

    Wow, *this* cost $40 million…?!

  • Fantasy Mission Force

    This movie seems to have some similarity to a certain James Cameron film; bland characters, a generic story void of anything other than clichés, the whole ‘racism’ proxy, the glowing floaty umbrella things.
    Yep, I’m talking about ‘Piranha Part Two: The Spawning’, of course.

  • John Lewis

    $40M? He was able to raise **$40M** to do this film??

    I can’t even get a lousy $150K for a documentary and he gets $40M for this???!

    I am depressed.

  • I don’t even remember hearing about this. I kind of want to watch this in the beer, pizza and riffing fashion.

    Great recap, thanks!

  • Olaf_the_Lofty

    I had never heard of this: thank you for introducing me to it. Perhaps it never made the trip across the Atlantic at all, after its major FAIL. It amazes me that ten years after “The Phantom Menace” someone would have created a computer-generated odious comic relief having all the subtle appeal of Jar Jar Binks. As a dabbler in computer graphic imagery myself I know that making realistic hair is very difficult, but the correct answer is to have characters with no or short painted-on hair, as in “Toy Story”. The “hair” on the fairy-type characters in this film seems to be made of soft plastic, and it just looks as if they use far too much hair gel. We would be better off without it. Also, I notice there’s a scene where the characters are imprisoned in hanging cages. I couldn’t help thinking of a similar scene in “Time Bandits”. I doubt the one in “Delgo” is as good.

  • kennzeichen1d

    Nicely done.
    Read about this film first in Nathan Rabins “My year of flops”-column on THE A.V.-CLUB.COM
    (“Floppiest Flop Case File # 126 Delgo”).
    Is there a “Like-Button” here? Like on youtube? There ought to be a “Seen it, liked it”-Button.

    • Michael A. Novelli

      There’s a Like button for Facebook at the top of the page…

      • kennzeichen1d

        Ech, facepoop! Me hata! HATA! Me hata social networkinga! Me smash! Smash to bits!
        Zuckerberga me smash! Tiny tiny bits smasha! MMMMhuhuhahahaha!
        Seriouly, never got into that facebook thing. You´re on this! Is it any good?

        • Michael A. Novelli

          Dunno. I only use it when I have to…

  • Cristiona

    Is the synching really that bad when they speak, or is it just from Blip’s compression?

  • Elfshotthefood

    As I started watching this video about a movie I had never even heard of until today, I figured at one point it would be mentioned that this film was supposed to be the first part of a trilogy. You saved it until the video was almost over, but thanks for confirming my suspicions. ;)

  • Waffle_Man

    You didn’t go into it too much, but my biggest problem with this movie is that it’s pretty damn hard to make a film about the evils of racism AND include a race of dimwitted, violent savages who live only to hurt people.

  • Reifgrimm

    I agree with you Ryan; The story about intrigue at the Nohrin court might have been truly interesting.

    And the “Everything you know, but not everything I know” line is still used? I’d expect the CHARACTERS to facepalm at that…

  • robo

    honestly, the … things in this movie remind me of jar-jar binks. a whole movie based around jar-jar clones – yeah, appealing.

  • Emily J.

    I remember seeing the trailers to this, and, ugh… no thanks.

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