Degrassi Junior High “What a Night!” (part 5 of 5)

Down at the police station, Loosey and Voula watch random guys getting booked. Voula soon unloads on “Loose” for getting her into this situation. Loosey is “sore-ry” but Voula doesn’t even want to hear it.

Caption contributed by Albert

“Hey, look! Isn’t that Stephanie’s date?”

Caption contributed by Albert

“Okay, so first, let me tell you how to make wine in a toilet.”

And now I have the biggest smile on my face, because Voula’s Dad is now at the front desk, asking for Voula. I love this guy, because he’s totally Borat. And he’s here with the heretofore unseen, mythical Voula’s Mom! Boy, she must be happy to be out of the basement for a change.

Voula’s Dad says he’s here to pick up “Voula”, no last name given, but the cop knows who he’s talking about anyway. The cop points in Voula’s direction, and her parents shoot harsh looks at her. I don’t think they’re happy.

Meanwhile, Voula is telling Loosey, “I used to think you’re sophisticated, but you’re just dumb!” Nobody does a hate-on for a fellow student quite like Voula. Hey, all that pent-up rage over Stephanie not loving her has to get channeled someplace, right?

Voula is told her parents are here. As she’s led away, Loosey says, “Good luck, Voula,” and Voula shoots the iciest possible glare in her direction. Voula then heads over to her parents, who proceed to have the following whispered discussion in the background:

Voula’s Dad: See what we have here?
Voula’s Mom: What have you done? What have you done to us?
Voula’s Dad: Why you do this?
Voula’s Mom: Is it my fault?

So, as you can tell, it’s going to be a fun weekend for Voula.

Caption contributed by Albert

Amazingly enough, Voula’s Mom is not played by Lainie Kazan.

Meanwhile, the cop goes over to Loosey and says they’re “having a little difficulty tracking down your parents”, which comes as a big shock to no one. Loosey sneers, “They’re very busy!” The cop ignores the thinly veiled bitterness, and says that this time, they’ll have to charge her with shoplifting.

Meanwhile, Voula’s parents are muttering, “No more Loosey. No more Loosey for you!” And yes, “Loosey” is their codeword for “daylight”. Loosey is led to a room with an ominous (by which I mean cheap and hastily-made) sign reading “Juvenile Detention Room”. So let this be a lesson, kids: don’t shoplift. You will be lectured to by store employees, taken down to the police station, and then led into some mysterious “detention room” where you’re sure to get immediately turned out and made into somebody’s juvie bitch.

Whew! What a night, am I right? Oh! Just like the title.

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It’s the following Monday. Everybody enters the school, and Steph is talking to the Twins, sharing the story of her pervy encounter with Damon King. Of course, Heather can’t resist getting her digs in with a “told you so” remark. She adds that Damon sounds like a real creep.

But Steph agrees. “And then he said, ‘You know, Steph, I think we have a lot in common, you and I!’” One of the Twins notes this is what he said on TV. And indeed, it is, but I don’t know how anybody watching this would actually remember back that far.

Steph says, “But what looks good on TV can be pretty gross in real life, I guess!” Oh man, there are so many jokes I can make there. In other words, Damon King is sort of like Teri Hatcher these days?

The Twins ask how her mom reacted, and Steph says she was “not as mad as I thought she’d be,” though we never find out why. Steph then got a “talk” about “not getting into risky situations”. But she “kind of understood it this time.” Wait, this time? You mean, she actually got a talk about not hopping into a random guy’s Corvette before? One of the Twins says Steph was “really lucky”, and Steph is in full agreement.

So the moral of that story, kids, is that if a famous actor comes to town and wants to take you out on a “date”, give some thought to the possibility that he only wants you for your body. And that’s some advice we can all use. I can’t tell you how many times celebrities have come to town and tried to sexually assault me. Literally, I can’t tell you, because I’m saving it all for my memoirs.

And then it’s back to the A plot… or is it the B plot? Hell, they’re both A plots in my book. Loosey finds Voula in the hallway, and again tries to apologize. But Voula says, “I’m not allowed to talk to you anymore!” However, she stops in her tracks when Loosey says she has to go to court, and she’s in a lot of trouble.

Voula wonders what Loosey’s parents had to say. Turns out all they said was that she’s “a spoiled brat”. That’s it? When she said they were loose, she wasn’t kidding around. Maybe they even sent her to bed with only half a roll of sushi.

“Maybe they’re right,” Loosey says. She also mentions that some mysterious “they” wants them to take family counseling, and she grumps that her parents “probably won’t be able to find the time!” Well, if a judge and a prosecutor can’t get her parents to pay any attention to her, then carry on shoplifting, is what I say.

Out of the blue, Voula offers to continue helping Loosey in spelling, math, whatever. Loosey reminds her of how she’s not supposed to talk to her anymore. But Voula assures her she’ll discuss the matter with her parents once they “stop being so mad”. So, in roughly ten years or so, I guess?

Voula asks again if Loosey wants any help studying, and smiles broadly, and Loosey smiles broadly, showing off her braces. So, there you go. Who needs loving parents when the nerdy chick at school will hang out with you? Freeze frame on Loosey’s metallic smile, and it’s off to the credits.

So, here’s what I learned from this episode: Don’t hang out with girls who self-identify as “loose” and make you put on a combination of tiger stripes and leopard spots. And people aren’t always what they play on TV. And in the case of Stephanie Kaye, people aren’t always what they play in real life. Also, working mothers, as well as divorced mothers, are the worst parents in the world.

Caption contributed by Albert

We’re gonna miss you! Keep in touch!

One final note about the episode: This is pretty much the last we’ll see of Voula. She has a few scattered lines in the remaining first season episodes, but after that, she’s gone. As noted previously, Niki Kemeny quit the show on the advice of her agent, who thought it was better for her to seek out real union work. And I’m sure she was successful in finding union work. The thing is, no one knows a damn thing about all those union jobs, whereas Degrassi lives on in the hearts of millions twenty years later. So I guess the real lesson of the episode is this: Know when to fire your agent.

Voula’s departure eventually gave rise to fan lore that Voula’s parents were so outraged by the whole shoplifting incident that they immediately shipped her off to private school, or Siberia, whichever is closer. It’s obviously not what the writers intended, but as an explanation for Voula’s sudden disappearance, it’s good enough for me.

Next up: Caitlin Ryan, VP Susie Rivera, and Rick Munro take on Big Manufacturing, as they seek to cut greenhouse gas emissions from a factory that temporarily appears right down the street from the school.

Multi-Part Article: Degrassi Junior High "What a Night!"
TV Show: Degrassi Junior High

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