Dec 6, 2018
Dear Fashion People: Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Funeral Is Not A Great Time To Promote Your Brand
Fashion designers seem pretty harmless, except in a “good Christ you want us to wear what?” sort of way. That aside, we’ve never really thought of them as the root of all evil or anything, until we saw that they were using Philip Seymour Hoffman’s funeral as a way to promote their new stuff.
Before we get into how horrible that is — not that you need any particular explanation as to why that is INCREDIBLY HORRIBLE, JESUS — let’s have a little background. This is Fashion Week, which is like Christmas + your birthday + Easter if you’re Catholic + New Year’s Eve all rolled into one, except with a soul-crushing level of pressure to get your product out in front of everyone, so fashion houses go a little loopy. However, we do not care if Fashion Week breaks into your office and puts a gun to your head, you still do not use someone’s really awful fucking tragic death as part of your press strategy.
Valentino emailed fashion bloggers and journalists on Friday morning photos of Hoffman’s “The Master” co-star Amy Adams wearing their Garavani Rockstud Duble bag on her way to the memorial service.
“We are pleased to announce Amy Adams carrying the Valentino Garavani Rockstud Duble bag from the Spring/Summer 2014 collection on February 6th in New York,” the release stated.
We are gobsmacked. Smacked by gob. Our lower jaw will likely never meet our upper again, because this is just so tone deaf as to be nearly unbelievable. Going to the funeral of someone who accidentally overdosed on heroin? You won’t want to be without this handbag from our Spring collection! Plenty of room for packages of Kleenex to sop up your tears of grief!
We would boycott Valentino bags now and forever more, but we are unlikely to ever carry something called a “Rockstud Duble bag” ever in our lives.
As poorly behaved as Valentino is, they are shining stars of kindness and decorum compared to the ghouls at Ugg.
Ugg Australia gifted friends of Hoffman who they assumed would visit New York City for the funeral. They included a message encouraging them to wear their winter boots in the cold city weather, according to Ugg Australia associates.
“They did gifting in the hopes that that would happen,” an Ugg associate told the Post.
“Since they knew a ton of celebs were in New York City and the weather sucks.”
Who on earth greenlighted this? Like a non-trivial number of people had to approve this, because we’re sure that the intern in the mail room isn’t authorized to send Uggs around the world all willy-nilly. Some people sat in a meeting and said “oh hey let’s send our boots to stars going to Hoffman’s funeral. Oh, but let’s include a nice note, because we don’t want to be boorish.” YOU ARE APPALLING PEOPLE WHO MAKE ATROCIOUS BOOTS, UGG.
We’d tell you to boycott Uggs, but hopefully you didn’t have any in the first place. If you do, go light them on fire, and send us a picture. Fuckers.