Oh look at all these dads creeping on their daughters, for Jesus

"Do not allow the obvious metaphor behind us to give you any ideas, young lady."

“Do not allow the obvious metaphor behind us to give you any ideas, young lady.”

In virginity news, let us now examine Swedish photographer David Magnusson’s photographs of fathers and virginal daughters at their purity balls. What is a purity ball, you ask? Oh, just a formal ceremony where a daughter pledges not to experience natural, healthy sexual pleasure in any way, shape, or form until she’s married, of course. She makes the promise to God, but since he’s busy being invisible in the sky, her dad stands in. This makes sense when you consider the aggressively patriarchal nature of conservative Christianity. It also makes sense when you consider that some fathers are not happy nice time people but are instead creepy, overprotective hymencopter dads, who totally look like they want to fuck their daughters.

What? We’re just saying.

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These cherry parties are like medieval proxy weddings, so that’s fun. David Rosenberg of Slate writes a rather sweetly non-judgmental post about Magnusson’s project (it helps that Magnusson himself seems sweetly nonjudgmental). Over at Buzzfeed, they’ve got basically the same thing going on. Thankfully, Tom Hawking at Flavorwire calls them “fucking weird,” which is exactly what they are. Naturally, we’ve got a few of the photos for you to…not “enjoy,” certainly. “Digest?” “Endure?” Regardless, here they are. Please do share your thoughts in the comments. And by the by, if you’ve ever had a virginity ball or participated in one, you are morally obligated by Zombie Baby Jesus to post them in said comments. Thank you.

"Surely early emphasis on your sexual being as some precious gift to be withheld on penalty of Hell is not going to fuck you girls up in any way."

“Surely early emphasis on your sexual being as some precious gift to be withheld on penalty of Hell is not going to fuck you girls up in any way.”

"Honey, you look really depressed for someone whose father is so creepily obsessed with her vagina that he made her do a party for it."

“Honey, you look really depressed for someone whose father is so creepily obsessed with her vagina that he made her do a party for it.”

Oh Look At All These Dads Creeping On Their Daughters, For Jesus

“This symbol of a brutal late Iron Age torture method should effectively remind you not to enjoy sex ever. Also I am totes making a sex face while smelling your hair.”

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