The Courtship of Jessa Duggar Is Here; Also Here, Your Vomit

The Courtship of Jessa Duggar Is Here; Also Here, Your VomitHere is something disgusting, you guys! You know those people who think Jesus wants them to have all the babies so as to dominionize the earth (from the black people, probs, though we guess they don’t say that out loud)? You know, they have those shows on the teevee about their one million children, and then their children get married and start pumping out babbies and get teevee shows of their very own? Well, they have a daughter, “Jessa,” apparently, and she is 20, and she is having a “courtship”! But what is a courtship? How is it different from the courtship of, say, Eddie’s father?

Let us let People Magazine sexplain you all you need to know!

So what are the differences between courtship and dating?

Jim Bob [Duggar] explains: “Courting is getting to know each other in a group setting, both families spending time together and the couple setting goals together to determine if they are meant to marry. With dating, a couple will often pair off alone and that sometimes leads to a more physical relationship.”

Jessa and Ben met in church, Jim Bob says, and then asked to correspond via text and on the phone. The Duggars agreed – and were kept in the conversation as the couple texted each other, mostly asking each other questions about theology and scripture.

“Jessa has a very steady personality,” says Michelle. “It has been interesting to watch their interactions because for her personality type, they share very similar beliefs. It has been fun to watch them and both of our phones are going off back and forth, ping, ping, ping.”

Ping ping ping. So that is what the kids are calling it these days!

Now, far be it from us to presume that watching like a hawk as your 20-year-old daughter gets her sexts from “Ben,” her “courtier or whatever the fuck,” might be, say, DEEPLY CREEPY. Nor that your daughter is a grown citizen who presumably is able to make her own decisions — legal, social, and vaginal — without her parents inserting a speculum … INTO HER BRAIN.

Or, you know, just keep on keeping on with your inspections of your grown daughter’s pants. For the patriarchy. And for love.


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  • $73376667

    Looks a little like the new bank teller I dealt with yesterday. Young, cute, friendly enough, a little flustered by her new job… but left me with a subtle feeling of “Therein lies madness.”

  • $73376667

    But more importantly: Is that a soul patch?

    • actor212

      More likely a zit he popped and scabbed over.

  • msanthropesmr

    Who are these people, and why the hell should I care?

    • Not Sure

      The woman is the daughter of the Duggar family, who has a TV show called “19 kids and counting” The poor wife is just constantly pregnant. I believe the religious nutjobs call it “quiver full”

      • Lina

        Then that’s a look of dawning horror: “I’m about to spend the next 20 years pregnant and wiping noses and bottoms.”

      • actor212

        Well, if you have eighteen siblings, wouldn’t the sight of an erect penis make you nervous?

  • actor212

    The Duggars agreed – and were kept in the conversation as the couple texted each other, mostly asking each other questions about theology and scripture. Yea. “Kept in the conversation.” THAT conversation, sure, but the one late at night on Skype?”Show me yer tits, Jessa…here, let me pay you tribute….”

    • msanthropesmr

      Tits or Get thee behind me, Satan!

  • Lizzietish81

    Silly Wonkette, she doesn’t wear pants like a common harlot. She wears skirts of Jesus, complete with extra virginal guard.

    • actor212

      Clearly, tho, her cups doth not runneth over.

  • Chow Yun Flat

    These people are strange but not in a good way.

  • ortcritic

    Hell no.

  • coozledad

    Their fifty children are all going to look like James O’Keefe, unless they buy the semen straws from Tractor Supply.

  • $73376667

    Would you say she is dressed…A.) conservatively?B.) modestly?C.) fashionably?D.) in the manner of a conservative?E.) none of the above?(He’s obviously dressed in the manner of a male prostitute.)

    • Not Sure

      I take that to mean that you know precisely what a male prostitute looks like. I’ve never hired one, so I have no idea.

      • $73376667

        You’ve never hired a male prostitute? How interestingly specific!

        • Not Sure

          @Guppy – you spewed forth: “(He’s obviously dressed in the manner of a male prostitute.)” THAT was interestingly specific. Female sex workers serve men. Male sex workers serve…gay men. Women don’t need to pay for sex.

    • DrShitferbrains

      She’s showing her arms, so she’s dressed more or less like Michelle Obama.

  • x111e7thst

    Saddlebacking for Jesus in 3-2-1

  • SullivanSt

    So, have the parents demanded a sample to make sure he’s fertile enough to keep the nice young lady permanently preggers yet?

  • JohnE_o

    Those are not the eyes of a gal who is glad to be in that picture.

    • SullivanSt

      They do have that hint of “How do I get out of here”, don’t they?

  • Arcturus

    Dear Jessa, have we discussed Exodus 3 yet, the one about the burning bush? Or are will still on Psalm 23, about how his rod and staff will comfort you? – Ben

  • DrShitferbrains

    I’m positively DYING to see some of these flirty text messages about scripture. I’ve been trying to write these erotic bible prophecies, see, because racket.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    “Jessa will save her first kiss for marriage.”- – JimBob Duggar in ‘People’ articleThat’s what Ted Haggard’s wife said… and she is still waiting… LoL

  • Official Teabagger

    And in retirement and beyond, you can just see the happy couple riding into the sunset, on their personal mobility scooters.

  • Rick Strandlof

    Someone needs to snatch her wig.

  • marindenver

    The Duggars are the griftiest grifters of all the grifting reality show people that there are. Like ever. And now they’re training their children to start grifting families of their own. Check out the other picture from the People article – that kid Ben is on to a good thing and he knows it.

  • Guest

    Five feets must be on the floor at all times!