May 29, 2018
The Courtship of Jessa Duggar Is Here; Also Here, Your Vomit
Here is something disgusting, you guys! You know those people who think Jesus wants them to have all the babies so as to dominionize the earth (from the black people, probs, though we guess they don’t say that out loud)? You know, they have those shows on the teevee about their one million children, and then their children get married and start pumping out babbies and get teevee shows of their very own? Well, they have a daughter, “Jessa,” apparently, and she is 20, and she is having a “courtship”! But what is a courtship? How is it different from the courtship of, say, Eddie’s father?
Let us let People Magazine sexplain you all you need to know!
So what are the differences between courtship and dating?
Jim Bob [Duggar] explains: “Courting is getting to know each other in a group setting, both families spending time together and the couple setting goals together to determine if they are meant to marry. With dating, a couple will often pair off alone and that sometimes leads to a more physical relationship.”
Jessa and Ben met in church, Jim Bob says, and then asked to correspond via text and on the phone. The Duggars agreed – and were kept in the conversation as the couple texted each other, mostly asking each other questions about theology and scripture.
“Jessa has a very steady personality,” says Michelle. “It has been interesting to watch their interactions because for her personality type, they share very similar beliefs. It has been fun to watch them and both of our phones are going off back and forth, ping, ping, ping.”
Ping ping ping. So that is what the kids are calling it these days!
Now, far be it from us to presume that watching like a hawk as your 20-year-old daughter gets her sexts from “Ben,” her “courtier or whatever the fuck,” might be, say, DEEPLY CREEPY. Nor that your daughter is a grown citizen who presumably is able to make her own decisions — legal, social, and vaginal — without her parents inserting a speculum … INTO HER BRAIN.
Or, you know, just keep on keeping on with your inspections of your grown daughter’s pants. For the patriarchy. And for love.