A Complete List Of Other Animals The Dinosaur Porn Lady Would Like To Sexytime With

The internet has pretty much catered to my every whim, porn-wise, and likely yours too, because Rule 34. But let’s say you were really hoping that your lust for prehistoric creatures would go a little more mainstream, become a little more widely available. Fret not, little giant lizard fetishist. Yes, there is now classy dinosaur erotica so you don’t have to feel all dirty trolling some subreddit for your dinoporn needs. And hey! Not just boring old one type of dinosaur porn, neither. Nope, now you can imagine getting it on with a t rex, a raptor, AND a velociraptor. Hawt.

Mercifully, Christine Sims, the lady/dude/collaborative/faceless internet machine behind dinosaur porn has not limited herself to only imagining sex with actual, yet sadly extinct, creatures. Naw mang. She is gonna help you get it on with a whole hostof imaginary creatures too.

There’s werewolf shifters, who are apparently just like real werewolves except they are only sometimes werewolves and they are also cousins of the lady they are going to sex. There’s a giant orc you will have to fuck to save your realm. Are orcs the things from “The Lord of the Rings?” There are werebears, which I presumed was a cross between a werewolf and a bear but apparently the prefix “were” simply refers to the fact that you shift into the suffix. I am learning things from the erotica, you guys! The werebears can only shift back to human form after they come, which makes total sense. There’s a weretiger, which actually comes with the bestest most absurd plot: you are a lady in hock up to your eyeballs to the mob. The mob brings you in to break your legs, but then decides that making you have sex with a sometimes-tiger/sometimes-man is payment enough. This does not seem like a successful mob business plan you guys.

There’s dragons and demons, but that seems kind of old hat, erotica-wise, doesn’t it? I mean, people have been imagining demon sex since biblical times and didn’t need no stinkin’ internet for that. There’s gryphons, who you apparently set out on a mission to murder, but after you murder 19 of them, the 20th decides to make love to you instead. No, it really says “make love” – because if there is one thing that is all Endless Love-tender, it is getting fucked by a gryphon after you’ve gone on a murder spree AGAINST GRYPHONS. There are also trolls and ogres and wargs and basilisks, which was the thing in Harry Potter that belonged to Slytherin house, so you just know that is sexy. Basically if you can think about it, or have ever read about it in some shitty fantasy book, you can probably find a book by this lady that will allow you to she-bop to any number of real and imagined creatures. Sorry, gheys and straight men. There doesn’t seem to be any man-on-dino action or any lady-on-lady dino action OR any dude on lady dino action. Perhaps you all need to start your own series because why the hell should you miss out on this??

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  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    From the Jezebel excerpt: “Instead, it reached out with a classed hand” Klassy!

    • PubOption

      Are we back to Ann Romney again?

    • Annie Towne

      And “exposed on naked, heaving breast.”As is often the case, the best part of bad porn is the typos.

  • $73376667

    No cephalopods?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Waiting for the Social Insect Nest Series.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    so that’s where the lizard people came from…

  • BraunKommando

    What? Somebody discovered hentai manga? ( That I haste to add, I have never seen or read, but that I know a friend of an acquaintance of mine once saw). Or is it just the shock that it is being sold on Amazon?

  • actor212

    I totally want to do Pikachu.

  • BigRedDog

    I hope nobody picks up my kindle before I get home. That sample of orc porn is going to be hard to explain.

  • UnholyMoses

    Is this where I point out that dinosaurs were not, in fact, lizards? Or should I save that pedantic asshattery for another day?

    • mtn_philosoph

      Meh… they all taste like chicken anyway.

  • mtn_philosoph

    I’m stuck on fantasies about threesomes involving Wilma, Betty and Mr. Slate, so I DO NOT NEED to add any images of a horny Dino to the picture too!