Oct 10, 2016
Come Watch John Oliver Yell At Tech People For Being Terrible Rich Terrible People
When will foolish people stop inviting Comedy Central stars to speak at their high-profile event thingies? Remember Stephen Colbert eviscerating Dubya at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ Dinner? We loved that. Now, tech people invited ‘Daily Show’ alum John Oliver to their nonsense “Crunchies” awards so he could beat them about the head for being terrible rich low-social-skills people.
“You already have all the money in the world,” he said. “Why do you need awards after that? It is absolutely ridiculous. You’re no longer the underdogs, it’s very important that you realize that. You’re not the scrappy people that people get behind. It used to be that people who worked in the tech industry were emotional shut-ins who you could root for. Now those days are gone. You’re pissing off an entire city.”
He also greeted them with “fuck you, straight away,” which is much more polite because of being all British-sounding.
Cue nervous laughter from the crowd as they desperately try to figure out if he is talking about them. He’s not talking about them, is he? FUCK YOU OF COURSE HE IS TALKING ABOUT YOU, YOU PILE OF MANCHILDREN. In case he wasn’t clear, Oliver went on to explicitly mock Larry Ellison for cheating on a yacht race, which has to be the richest form of cheating ever, a cheat so rich-person that you can’t even begin TO cheat unless you are already enormously rich and can buy a yacht. He also mocked Tom Perkins for being an insensitive douchewad for saying that being rich these days is just like being a Jew in Nazi Germany. We will take a moment to note that Tom Perkins actually KILLED A DUDE with his yacht, so Larry Ellison is a piker.
In case you weren’t paying attention to us ever, we are on Team John Oliver about techbro culture. You’re an industry riddled with people who want to be called “makers,” people who hate seeing poor people so much that they wish they could be shipped elsewhere so they would never touch the hem of their black turtlenecks, and have people who are called “digital prophets” without any visible sense of irony.
These sorts of tech people have become the evangelical Christians of the work world. On the one hand, they’re convinced they run everything and are the real majority/power behind the throne, but on the other hand they still cry/fap themselves to sleep at night bemoaning yet somehow celebrating their outsider status.
What gift should we send to John Oliver to insulting them to their rich bespectacled unfunny t-shirt wearing faces? Wine? A nice fruit basket? A call girl? Help us out here.