Here Is Chelsea Clinton Earning Her $600K By Talking To A Gecko
In 2013, Chelsea Clinton made $600,000 by doing things like interviewing an imaginary gecko on NBC. Yes, you read that right; Chelsea Clinton earned $600,000 as a “special correspondent” for NBC News, and one of her journamalistical duties involved talking to a cartoon character designed to sell car insurance. Of course yr Wonkette was on the case, detailing the ins and outs of this celebrity offspring’s celebrity status at the celebrity network of celebrities.
So. Chelsea Clinton earned more doing packages at NBC than was earned by the last two executive editors of the New York Times. She earned as much as the president of Southern California Goodwill — well, except for his half-million in “other compensation.” (Ha, this is why we no longer take our things to Goodwill, fuck you Goodwill.) She made more than the president. And why not, when you consider her sparkling personality and ratings successes?
Obviously, we had to go back and take a look at that Geico gecko interview! And boy, are we glad we did. As you’ll see, the segment is the most scintillating, in-depth example of investigative reporting since Morley Safer pissed off LBJ with all those reports from Vietnam back in the day. It is braver than when Nellie Bly pretended to be mentally ill so that she could get herself shut up in an insane asylum and report on the horrors and abuses therein. This Geico gecko interview is a photograph of a little naked girl running down the street in Southeast Asia, crying. This Geico gecko interview is an old-timey sailor kissing a lady in Times Square. This Geico gecko interview is Johnny Carson angrily chain-smoking while an Israeli con man tries to bend spoons with his mind. Ultimately, this Geico gecko interview is a mirror that Chelsea Clinton is holding up to our faces, also the mirror cost $600,000. “Who are you?” Chelsea is asking us. “Who have you become? Who do you want to be?”
We don’t know, Chelsea.
Perhaps we’ve never known.
As a fun bonus video, here is Lance Bass making fun of the Geico gecko interview on The Rubin Report.
[h/t Dave Weigel]