• Agonizer / Text / Our Long National Nightmare Was Finally Over

Celebrate The 80th Anniversary Of The Repeal Of Prohibition In Style With Your Happy and Wonkette Writers

Celebrate The 80th Anniversary Of The Repeal Of Prohibition In Style With Your Happy and Wonkette Writers

Today is a great day in American history, a day that ranks up there with July 4th and whatever day the Constitutional Convention was held and Christmas and that day you take off in the middle of August when there hasn’t been a holiday in SO LONG. Yes, we’re talking about the day Prohibition ended. Celebrate! Good Times! America, fuck yeah!

Seriously, 18th Amendment, you were the least-loved Amendment ever, and the only one that the American people hated so much they had to break up with it. Let’s all celebrate with yr Wonk and Happy staff with their drinks of choice!

Dok Zoom is going to drink “Glenfiddich, but not til later. Or maybe Chambord, a blackberry liqueur, on the rocks or on top of a little ice cream, milk and soda water.” (Go ahead, click the linky. WE DARE YOU.)

Rebecca will be drinking a “nice pinot noir,” because she does not have any hard liquor in the house since her Millennial son and his Millennial girlfriend became super-duper geniuses of brilliance and started claiming that they’d accidentally knocked over (and shattered) all the liquor bottles while “vacuuming.” (They forgot to actually break any of the liquor bottles.) She didn’t specify which kind of pinot. We were going to arbitrarily assign her a kind, but a search for low-end pinot noirs shows that most of them suck, so just assume that Rebecca is drinking up all your donations thanks to her fancypants wine needs.

Gary is drinking Shock Top, which is fine as long as it is not Shock Top Pumpkin flavored, because there is snow on the ground and we no longer have to consume the fall flavor scourge that is pumpkin.

DDM is going to buy a round of Red-Headed Sluts for the GOP, and trust us when we say we wouldn’t drink this even with DDM’s mouth:

  • 1 oz Jagermeister
  • 1 oz peach schnapps
  • 2 oz cranberry juice

Unless the instructions after that are “throw ingredients on ground, find a decent bourbon and drink that straight,” that is not even an actual drink recipe.

Kaili is drinking Whatever Is In The Freezer brand Vodka and tonic, hold the tonic. Kaili does not play.

Yr humble writer will start by making a whiskey sour with the sadly dwindling bottle of Bulleit bourbon gifted to her by Rebecca and from-scratch sour, which will change your life for real and will make you want to throttle the next person that serves you that horrible faux-lemon-lime concoction that comes out of the soda gun.

You people, of course, should drink one of all of these to show us how much you care.

Do not, however, drink anything mentioned in this article, for real, or we will come over and punch you in the face, FOR REAL.

[Bar Rescue star Jon Taffer’s] favorite bar is this pretentious place in Beverly Hills called Ten Pound where the drinks cost from $65,000 “all the way down to $160.”

He’s perpetuating the bacon craze, advocating for bar snacks such as “warm bacon to dip in Crown Royal maple sauce.”

His favorite drink is scotch with amaretto in it.

He recommends a drink called the Green Lizard, which is a shot of 151-proof rum and green chartreuse, because it makes you horny.

If you pay $65,000 for a drink, you deserve to be mugged in the street. If you drink scotch with amaretto, you deserve to be denied alcohol for the rest of your natural life, unless you are under the age of 18, in which case you probably just threw together whatever you could steal from whatever your parents had in the liquor cabinet.

Happy America Loves Liquor The Bestest Day!

You may also like...