There Is No Better Song In The World For Nelson Mandela’s Funeral Than Toto’s ‘Africa’ Except For All These Other Ones

So let’s say you work for CBS This Morning, or whatever the hell their also-ran morning teevee show is called. Oh, just go along with it. So you work for CBS AM, and you are tasked with finding the bumper music for a teaser about upcoming coverage of Mandela’s funeral. What song do you use?


You totally use the so-white-it-is-translucent Toto’s Africa, because you are a goddamn genius. So many songs to choose from, and you pick that one.

Why, you could have used this classic cut from The Jungle Book:

Or maybe this oldie-but-so-relevant goodie from Steve Miller Band:

(Did you see how hard that guy maracas? No one in the history of rock has maraca’d that hard.)

Maybe someone should have tipped you off that you could show your racial sensitivityness by using Brad Paisley and LL Cool J’s “Accidental Racist.”

Seriously, what were you thinking?? Theres’s ANY GODDAMN NUMBER of songs that wouldn’t have been weird to use. How about James Brown?

Or maybe Public Enemy?

Even two seconds of googling would have turned up “Free Nelson Mandela.”

And Jesus, if you were going to use Africa, you were legally and Wonkettily required to use this version, fool.

Hopefully you’ll have more time to spend on YouTube looking for better songs what with the fact that you probably lost your job this morning after this aired. Enjoy funemployment!

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