VIDEO: Catwoman (2004)

Solkir reviews a movie that hates everyone and everything. And… what’s this? A new host for the Graphic Novel Picture Show has suddenly appeared!

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  • TheScottCSmith

    Still not a ginger…I don’t know how you suffer through these horrible movies.

  • Yonagonaf

    The only good thing about the movie “Catwoman” is at 78’90” when the hippopotamus is inserted into the fully cleansed ass of the orangutan.

  • Alexa

    You know what screw the haters, Halle Berry is awesome. Seriously my respect for her just increased immensely after watching that clip. She at least has a sense of humor about all of this and is willing to admit when she messed up. Not all the time obviously, she did decide to be in Movie 43 but I’m under the impression a lot of people involved were being blackmailed of some kind its the only explanation I can come up with.

    • Solkir

      Oh yeah, she’s fantastic most of the time, and I have a lot of respect for her as an artist. If you do enough movies, eventually some of them are going to be shit. Statistically, it’s gonna happen sooner or later.

      • The_Stig

        And if you didn’t think that Razzie speech confirmed just how completely awesome she is, there’s something physically and mentally wrong with you.

        • maarvarq

          Oh indeed. I watched that and thought “Ladies and gentlemen, that is style, and that is class”.

          • The_Stig

            Haters of this film all agree on one thing: This film’s crapitude was totally not Halle’s fault, She’s actually pretty fun to watch in this film and except for maybe the infamous basketball scene. she seemed like she was genuinely doing her best to turn chicken crap into chicken salad and make her material work.

          • Solkir

            You mean the one-on-one basketball game where they only ever dribble and no one shoots the ball? And where Halle Berry has been replaced with what is clearly a male stunt double?

          • The_Stig

            Yyyyyep.

      • Alexa

        Another thing that bothers me about people who complain about her pertains to her role as Storm in X-Men. She in my opinion did a good job but when the character was seemingly underwritten they blame her, like she was in charge of writing the script. And while the third movie was underwhelming I was happy to hear in interviews before the film premiered that she was standing up for her character to be more active, since she noticed herself that her character for the most part in the previous movies didn’t do much beyond having some fight scenes and telling everyone where the plane was. Again its sad that movie ending up being pretty bad…

  • The_Stig

    You rock that drag, dude. BTW, everybody knows the Aztecs were less about eating hearts and all about breeding flying, superpowered Pumamen.

  • CaptainCalvinCat

    I have to admit something: I just like the movie.
    I am willing to accept the flaws, however I can’t just sit there and yell “This movie is shit” without thinking “But I like it. I like this movie more than – say – Star Trek III. And I AM a Trekkie.”

    However: One critizism, I just cannot let slide by you.
    Lois does not recognize that Clark is Supes, AND HE WEARS FRAKKING GLASSES to cover his identity.
    Steve Trever does not notice, that his cute secretary – later field agent – is Wonder Woman, and she doesn’t even wear a mask.
    Yeah, sorry, as a man, I feel treated pretty bad, thinking, that we don’t recognize a woman, because she now has curly hair and her breasts are on the verge of falling out of her tube top.
    Compare that to Catwoman, where she is wearing a freaking MASK, when he sees her… yeah, sorry, I’m with the movie on this one.

    And let me just copy in something I wrote on the TGWTG-board, when they discussed Catwoman:
    Okay – I want to do an experiment.
    Why is this movie so hated?
    Is it, because it is illogical or because it took a fan-favourite Character?

    Okay, what is illogical about the movie.
    Patience being a grey mouse, who is basically a doormat? No, not really. Happens.
    Patience being dumped out and breathed upon by a mystical cat? Granted, that is kinda dumb… only kinda, because the movie has its very own mythology. Stupid in real life context, but in that very movie… slightly dumb.
    Catwoman acting all “cat-like”? Its not very subtle, yeah, slightly dumb. Never the less, I enjoyed that.
    Catwomans outfit? We’ll get to that.
    The overall plot? What – there is one. Is it stupid? Actually no.

    Okay, now let us take the fact, that this character is called “Catwoman”.
    If it is Catwoman you have certain expectations – such as the name being Selina Kyle, however even that is no big deal for me.
    And I can understand, when people are all “arrrgh” and yelly about it, if the movie is called “Catwoman” and it does not feature Selina Kyle, but a woman named “Patience Phillips” however… like I said – no biggy for me.

    “But Cal, what about the costume?”
    Yeah, what about it?
    I said it before and I will say it again – to me that costume was logical.
    Why?
    Okay, when did she came up with that costume? In a clear state of mind? Or after she had been dumbed in the lake/river/whatever, got cat-breath in her face and went into an induced rage?
    Just one question: When did you try to do anything, in which it is imperative that you have a good hand-eye-coordination, when you are angry or scared?
    Can you do delicate work a seamstress would need a sewing machine for, when your hands are shaky?

    Okay, Selina and Patience are undergoing the same physical state of anxiety and anger. They are throwing a temper tantrum, are no longer in the possession of their faculties. And yet the Selina-Catwoman manages to sew a Catsuit, that nearly looks perfect, while the Patience-version is a leather-jacket-turned-into-a-bra.

    Again – both threw a temper tantrum and the Catwoman from the “more liked” movie comes up with a dress that nearly looks perfect – which, like I said, is not very logical.
    The Patience-version looks like a costume made in a temper-tantrum.

    Perhaps that was the reason I liked the movie…
    I didn’t care because I didn’t grew up with those characters.

    I gotta admit – I like the movie. No, it is no guilty pleasure, it is really, general “i like it”.

    By the way – there are some things I … well, without being all douchy mc nitpick here, but:
    If – and I stress “if” – the company, Patience works for, is the only company that would hire those people, then all you can do, if you want to make a living, is to take the insults of the Merowingian (the actor is the boss of the company, right?) like a man (or in that case: a woman). Suck it up and back to work.

    And the other thing – well, Selena died as much as Patience did. The secretary was thrown out of a window, while Patience was spit out in the river – or lake or whatever.
    And although Catlady and Patience herself refer to it as “dying”, it is as much a not-dying, as it is with Selena.

    The movie can be quite funny and while I understand why it bombed, nevertheless, I like it.

    Somehow I see things a bit differently – just because one reviewer (or in that case TONS of reviewers) said, that Catwoman is a god-awful movie, there is one simple rule: Before you watch the movie yourself, don`t believe any of them.

    I experienced it a lot, when skipping through the TV paper, that the most of those movies, that were marked as particularly bad or awful, were indeed nice entertainment and those, which were marked as especially good were yawn-fests extraordinaire.

    For example: My TV-Paper recommends “Transformers – the return of the fallen” or “The incredible Hulk” as two “Must see”-Movies. And while I think, that the Transformers-movie is good to watch, you can see Matthew, the “Film Brain”, deconstructing it, say, that is a god-awful piece of crap.

    So, who is right?
    I watched the movie, and I liked it. I watched Hulk and I found it awful, but that is, because I HATE that green idiot.

    So – when you did not watch the movie, do it, then say, if you liked it, or not.

    I watched Catwoman and I found it enjoyable.

    • Solkir

      I don’t think I mentioned any of those things that you brought up, so you’re kinda just arguing with yourself there. Except the costume part, about which I have to point out a few things. She didn’t make the costume right after she became a catwoman. That came several days after and must have taken her at least a week. We see her before then and she’s in a clear state of mind. She had full control of her faculties when she decided to fight crime basically naked.

      • CaptainCalvinCat

        No, you didn’t bring some of those things up, I just wanted to point them out, because – like I said: In my opinion, this movie is not that bad. And if I’m honest: This is one of those movies, I just don’t take that seriously.

        And – I am part of some of those targetgroups, who should feel offended.
        I’m a comic-book-fan, a feminist, a heterosexual male… I should hate this flick.
        But then I come to think: “Hey, it’s just a movie. And a movie, that everyone kicked already in the balls… no need to feel infuriated.”
        Plus: When I watch this movie – I honestly feel entertained.

  • If I remember correctly this film had 28 writers, not 14. It is a rather uncomfortable and patronising trend for trying to make the protagonist’s struggle in female-led action films something which the inevitably male writers (such as all of the credited ones for Catwoman) consider specifically ‘feminine’, in this case evil cosmetics. The worst in my opinion was Sucker Punch, where Zach Snyder’s idea of female empowerment was to have the characters as sex slaves in a brothel which in his hands turned out rather creepy. Even the good ones do this (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, although that wasn’t really an action film).

    The Catwoman movie actually has a rather interesting history, which I can’t remember off the top of my head but if you’re intrigued I’d recommend checking out Dena Natali’s review of it over at TGWTG (you can pay me now, Dena).

  • Jason Withrow

    Just wanted to say that I’d love to see something on Birds of Prey.

  • You committed to the bit so much that I forgot there was a bit.

  • CBob

    I still maintain that this movie is in continuity with “Zoolander”. If that makes the Burton-Schumacher Batman films [i]also[/i] in the Zoolander universe (or vice versa: whichever feels the better expression to you), then that’s FANTASTIC (or possibly, dare I say it, fabulous?).

    I know what some of you are thinking: “Well, obviously the Schumacher ones, but I dunno about Burton ones, they’re a diff…” No! The Burton ones too! Don’t you see? It must be this way! It musssssst.

    Also: 4:08 “Count Ejacula”. Not deliberate, naturally, but once heard, cannot be unheard.

  • Sand Ripper

    You’re hot.