A ‘Cats’ Film May Be In The Works And We Will Probably Just Quit Life Now, Thanks

There are many things we want for Christmas, as you well know. Unsurprisingly, there are many things we do not wish for this holiday season, and we are busy fervently not wishing for this rumor to come true: there may soon be a Cats movie.

No, not lovable internet-dwelling lolcats. Not even Nyan Cat, though we might watch 2 solid hours of that if we were high.

Oh, let’s face it. We’ve already done that dozens of times. Don’t pretend like you haven’t. But you will not be lucky enough to see a flying Pop Tart cat onscreen, people. Instead, you must face the terrifying prospect of seeing this at a movie theater near you.


Yes, you might just get to see one of O.J. Simpson’s favorites without having to go to your local community theater playhouse:

The musical’s famous fans include O.J. Simpson, who was heard humming snatches from the score in 1994 during jury selection for his murder trial. The song in question was “Memory.” He told reporters: “It has that line ‘touch me.’ That really gets to me because it says touch me, and I think of my kids because I can’t touch them.”

See? Everything about this is the most terrible idea that anyone has ever had. Everyone, please throw yourself in front of whatever speeding train it might take to make this thing stop.

[The Dissolve]

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  • Farb

    Poor Orange Juice.

  • Farb

    How about a nice article on orthopedic recliners?

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    This post was deleted.