It’s the Agony Booth’s very first video game review! Roland walks through the PC version of Enter the Matrix, a game released on the same day as Matrix Reloaded, featuring over an hour of original footage directed by the Wachowski Br–er, the Wachowskis.
Daniel Craig is 007, who must face off against Le Chiffre, banker to the world’s terrorist organizations. In the novel, they played baccarat, but nobody knows what the hell that is anymore, so here they play Texas hold ’em poker. Well, in between the ads for Sony products, anyway.
Nicolas Cage famously goes apeshit in 2006’s The Wicker Man, the godawful remake of the 1973 horror classic. Cage is a cop who travels to Summersisle, an island with a matriarchal society that worships bees. He investigates the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend’s daughter, and somehow ends up wearing a bear suit and punching women out.
What better way to start off a new show than with Vivid’s porn parody of the biggest film of the summer? Starring Dale DaBone as Iron Man, Brooklyn Lee as the Black Widow, ex-wrestler Chyna as She-Hulk, and many others, this is a movie that strangely enough includes way more Marvel characters than the actual Avengers movie.
Joey reviews both a guilty pleasure and a popular show he can’t get into, in this Nicktoon double feature!
Flash back to when Lindsay Lohan wasn’t a washed-up 26 year old, with a Disney Channel Original Movie where she plays Lexy Gold, who despite the name, is not a stripper. Instead, she’s a prep school fashion queen who solves a mystery with the help of best friend Brenda Song.
Cheapus takes you character by character through Magnolia, writer-director Paul Thomas Anderson’s lengthy opus about 24 hours in the lives of interconnected people living in the San Fernando Valley, starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, William H. Macy, Julianne Moore, John C. Reilly, Jason Robards, and Tom Cruise in an Oscar-nominated role.
Three mighty reviewers (Film Renegado, Mr. Mendo, and Sofie Liv) team up to review the movie where Spider-Man is a psycho rapist crime boss who has to be stopped by Captain America and El Santo, in one of the most nonsensical and confusing plots ever.
A group of people in San Francisco (Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Jeff Goldblum, Leonard Nimoy) come to realize that everyone around them is slowly being replaced by alien clones with no emotion, leading to one of the most famous endings ever. Also in this review: see old ladies get punched in the face, and find out where Cabbage Patch Kids come from!
Mr. Mendo revisits his Forrest Gump review, one of his most-watched reviews ever, to provide behind-the-scenes insight into how and why it was made.
Joey teams up with Sofie for one of the biggest superhero movie disappointments in recent memory. Watch the review and relive all the singing, dancing, omelet-making, Twist-doing, amnesia-getting, and emo strutting!
Cheapus steps into the ring for the Sylvester Stallone-directed final entry in the Rocky series, where the now 60 year old boxer makes a surprising comeback (as does the actor playing him). Rocky fans get everything they expect: Burt Young, a training montage set to “Gonna Fly Now”, and both Rocky and Sly overcoming the odds.
In Mexico during the decline of Mayan civilization, a hunter (Rudy Youngblood) escapes from bad guys who capture his tribe for human sacrifice. He’s got to rescue his wife and son before rain fills the well where he hid them, along the way getting tortured nearly as much as Jesus in Mel’s previous movie.
Cecil reviews another of his favorite post-apocalyptic flicks, a cheesy Franco-Italian cash-in on Escape from New York. After a nuclear war, the entire human race is rendered sterile. It’s up to a mercenary named Parsifal (not a typo) to infiltrate the ruins of New York City and find the last fertile woman on earth.
A transporter accident causes Kirk and Company to cross over into a parallel universe where Spock has a beard, and the crew of the Enterprise is evil and menacing. Meanwhile, a transporter accident in Mendo’s house leaves Mendo reviewing this episode with an evil and menacing version of special guest star Sofie Liv. But surely, that’s all just a coincidence.
Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz are an adventurer and a librarian who team up in 1920s Egypt for an archaeological expedition, only to accidentally awake a high priest buried alive 3,000 years ago. Though it’s based on the 1932 Boris Karloff movie of the same name, it has just a tad more in common with the Indiana Jones films.
Morgan Freeman reprises his Kiss the Girls role as retired D.C. detective Alex Cross, who’s lured back into action when a senator’s daughter is kidnapped. He teams up with a Secret Service agent (Monica Potter) and the two spend most of the film trying to out-bland each other. FoQ explains how the movie is nowhere near as smart as the book, yet still enjoyably dumb.
Ron Perlman is a young demon summoned from hell during WWII to be a secret Axis weapon, but instead gets captured by American forces to use his powers for good. When Nazis return sixty years later, Hellboy and his elite super-powered defense team are humanity’s only hope!
Edward decides his kind is too dangerous to be around Bella, so he goes into contrived self-exile, leaving Bella to screech like a maniac for months before finally finding comfort in hot werewolf Jacob. Alas, Sofie’s endless mocking of the movie earns her the wrath of Pia (played by Sofie Liv), a scantily-clad airhead who breaks into Sofie’s house to share a love of all things Twilight!
The Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) is on a remote planet trying to woo an alien princess and become king, but a less-than-elite team of space marines arrives to stop him. With plenty of homages to Alien and Aliens, this movie is ridiculously over the top, but what were you expecting from the title?