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Once Upon a Time: Arrested development

This week on Once: The Beast tries to win back Belle's heart by incarcerating her. (Hey, it worked last time!) Snow White learns that she's a terrible teacher, when the subject is anything other than making a birdhouse. The Evil Queen's kryptonite is finally revealed. And yet another sort-of villain is given a hasty partial redemption arc before meeting his untimely demise.

Scream Queens: OBVIOUS REDRUM SEULC

I think I've figured out why I have such a sweet spot for Chanel #5. No, it's not because I enjoy the cheap vagina dentata jokes. Although, to be fair, who would have predicted that such an outlandish throwaway line would become a recurring joke?

So, could we… not get more Star Wars?

I’m not one to judge people for falling under the sway of merchandising-based nostalgia (I had He-Man and the Masters of the Universe bed sheets as a kid, so I get it). However, I can’t help but feel that this renewed obsession with trying to make Star Wars the epicenter of popular culture again is in some way unhealthy.

Supergirl: Everbody loves Superman

Budgets will be slashed, regular cast members will be demoted to recurring, network-wide crossovers will happen, and hopefully the series will be allowed to appeal to a hipper, savvier audience of superhero fans as opposed to its previous demo of elderly women watching with their granddaughters.

Cop Rock: Tots-R-Us

Most new shows take a few episodes to really find their footing, and this episode may be where Cop Rock finally started to improve. It never becomes good, mind you, but it generally avoids anything as embarrassing as the musical numbers of the first three episodes.

5 steps to make the Lion King remake work

Regardless of any personal misgivings I may have with Disney’s remake enterprise, even the worst ideas can be turned into good movies. So in the unlikely event that Jon Favreau may be reading this, here are five steps I would recommend him to take to make his Lion King roar.

The Exorcist: They'll steal your heart

The creepy homeless guy is henceforth referred to as “the schizophrenic”, because priests are such brilliant diagnosticians and there's nothing offensive about referring to people by their illness because look at all those lepers in the Bible.

Hit or Bomb? October movie predictions

Join us for the first in a (hopefully) regular feature on the Agony Booth where we make snap judgments about the box office chances of upcoming movies based solely on watching the trailers, including Gone Girl on a Train, The Birth of a Nation, Jack Reacher 2, and more.