Patrons get an ad-free experience and full access to our archives. Support the Agony Booth for as little as $1/month!
Note: You are viewing text posts only. Looking for videos? Click here!
Live Long And Prosper: Happy Birthday Lauren Bacall
Can You Feel It Baby? The Unlikely And Awesome Journey Of Marky Mark Wahlberg
A Complete Live-ish Blogging Of The One Hundred Years It Took To Watch 'Riddick'
“As he points his gun at Packer’s head, I felt like he was also pointing a monologue gun at my own head, softly and rapidly firing word bullets into my brain.”
“It’s clear the filmmakers saw Donnie Darko, and literally no other movie ever made.”
“Suddenly, as the entire world starts imploding around them, Gary and his friends are confronted with the horrific realization of what they’ve done. They’ve saved the world from invaders, but at the cost of our way of life.”
“Obviously, the film is highly derivative of Alien, as well as Predator, Starship Troopers, Mad Max, and Isaac Asimov’s Nightfall. But you know what? Sometimes originality is overrated.”
“Had the film been helmed by a more seasoned director, or even a relative unknown, it never would have taken home the big prize. Because ultimately, the most interesting thing about Argo is that Ben Affleck directed it.”
“I began to wonder if the sun really needed saving at all, or if these eight people were simply sent 93 million miles away so they could do the least amount of harm to anyone else.”
“The bad news is Kick-Ass 2 isn’t as good as Kick-Ass. There are certain key elements of awesome from the first movie that are absent this time around, and without them there’s just no way to completely recapture the magic. The good news is that those voids have been filled by not-quite-as-awesome-but-still-pretty-awesome new stuff.”
“Joel refers to Poison Ivy as a ‘beautiful, sexy’ version of the Unabomber. Never really thought of it that way, to be honest. Never gotten that drunk or stoned.”
“Most action films are ludicrous to a degree, but this one is almost a cartoon. I felt about as much suspense over Hit-Girl’s fate as I feel concern for Wile E. Coyote’s health after a boulder falls on him.”
“Because every screenwriter knows that if you can’t give your protagonist a personality, you can always give him a destiny.”
“Lohan’s performance in The Canyons is orders of magnitude better than her listless take on Elizabeth Taylor. In fact, this might possibly be her best performance ever. And I fully realize that’s not saying a whole lot.”
“Guillermo del Toro certainly seems optimistic about a sequel, having already dropped hints on several plot details he has in mind. And being a massive nerd, I have a few of my own. So in no particular order, here are ten things I’d like to see happen in Pacific Rim 2.”
“I’m not sure Spring Breakers is about much of anything, other than its own stunt casting. As the continuing fame of Miley Cyrus proves, there’s nothing the American public eats up quite as voraciously as former teen queens shedding their good girl images, and in that respect, Spring Breakers does not disappoint.”
“It gets really, really dumb. It honestly starts feeling uncomfortably like a deleted scene from X-Men Origins: Cheap-looking CGI, nonsensical plot developments, and laughable execution. The only thing that prevents it from having the worst payoff to a mystery in a movie this year is the fact that Star Trek Into Darkness came out.”
“Iron Man had come out a few months prior, but at the time, writer-director Clark Gregg was still best known for being on The New Adventures of Old Christine. Which is fitting, because Choke plays like Fight Club if Fight Club were a CBS sitcom.”
“Compared to most adaptations of the works of legendary sci-fi author Philip K. Dick (Total Recall, Blade Runner, Next, to name just a few), the animated film A Scanner Darkly is extremely faithful to its source material. But that’s not necessarily a good thing.”
“Probably the most entertaining aspect of Sharknado is that it appears to have been written by someone who has never actually heard another human being speak. It’s entirely possible we’re watching the first film written in the Divine Language.”