Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 3 of 12)
“Caine’s just surfing the deferential equation slopes, broham!”
Category: Movies
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Ishtar (1987): a recap (part 6 of 9)
“Remember when they performed their show at the Chez Casablanca and all the tourists loved it? We were all so much younger then.”
Skidoo (1968): the lost recap (part 4 of 14)
“I know so much about this movie, it’s painful.”
Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 2 of 12)
“Was this dialogue written by humans?”
Justice League: Gods and Monsters (2015)
“Gods and Monsters is explicitly a ‘what if?’ story, made by someone who loves these characters and wants to play around with them a little.”
Skidoo (1968): the lost recap (part 3 of 14)
“It’s amazing how the hippies in this movie make being a ‘square’ seem like a hell of a lot more fun.”
Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 1 of 12)
“While it may not be based on an existing property, there’s nothing the slightest bit ‘original’ about this movie’s plot.”
Ishtar (1987), a recap (part 5 of 9): A nod is as good as a wink... to a blind camel
“I got a feeling something went really wrong, and Ishtar got made.”
Skidoo (1968): the lost recap (part 2 of 14)
“I bet Jackie Gleason wished the real God had summoned him before he could make this movie.”
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)
“It feels like there’s no reason for this movie to have even been made, apart from the first film becoming a cult hit, and comic book adaptations now being even bigger business than they were in 2005.”
Ishtar (1987): a recap (part 4 of 9)
“Holy crap, $50 million and Coke couldn’t even get their own product plugged in this movie? No wonder they sold off the studio.”
Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
“This film has an even more misleading title than Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan.”
Is Inception a rip-off of Paprika?
“Cobbling together a new product from pieces of old ones is not ripping off per se, but it can be derivative.”
Skidoo (1968): the lost recap (part 1 of 14)
“At less than a minute in, this movie’s plot has ground to a halt, which is quite an accomplishment, considering it has no plot.”
Ishtar (1987): a recap (part 3 of 9)
“I can’t tell what’s funnier here, the random violence against women, or Lyle being a gay basher. Either way: comedy gold!”
The Delta Force (1986) and the 1980s Reaganian action film
“The Delta Force is so brazen in its jingoism, so earnest in its desire to entertain, and so unencumbered by aesthetic taste or good judgment that you can’t help but admire it.”
Ishtar (1987): a recap (part 2 of 9)
“Even putting aside the absurd notion of a presumably devout Muslim woman flashing her tits in public, I really can’t imagine who thought this was funny.”
7 suggestions for when Marvel gets the Fantastic Four back
“Based on the critical reception for this movie, and how utterly unoriginal and forgettable it is, I would be appalled, aghast, and amazed if Fox didn’t finally surrender the rights back to its rightful owners.”
Kill James Bond
“Daniel Craig’s Bond carries a considerably larger burden of expectations than his predecessors ever did. To that problem, I submit the following solution: Kill James Bond.”
BINGE OR NO? The Prequel to Wet Hot American Summer (Because 40-Somethings Playing Teenagers is Never Not Funny)
You try and tell a Hollywood actress she can't play a high schooler any more. Go ahead, we dare you. Yeah, we didn't think so. And thus we get Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp: The Series.
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