Skidoo (1968), the lost recap (part 7 of 14): All things are like the void and cloudless sky
Jackie Gleason trips on LSD while Groucho Marx finally makes his grand, God-awful appearance.
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Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 5 of 12): Caine is the perfect hunting (and dancing) machine
In which we learn the true origins of the human race, as well as Caine Wise’s tragic backstory, which is uncannily similar to a certain legendary bouncer.
Isn’t every movie a standalone movie?
“Of course, sequels are a big way for Hollywood to keep revenue up, but some movies are being designed with sequels in mind before they’ve even proven there’s interest in a series.”
Ishtar (1987): a recap (part 8 of 9): In the desert, you can remember your lame songs
‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain, except the makers of this movie. It’s the penultimate installment of Ishtar!
Spectre (2015): a spoiler-filled review
“This sums up the fundamental problem with this film rather nicely. It looks like it’s doing something clever and edgy, but in reality, what it’s saying and doing is rather lame and tame.”
Netflix is Reviving Gilmore Girls. So, Now You Have To Pretend You Actually Watched It…
Netflix is bringing Gilmore Girls back from the dead to devour your brain and your free time! HNTP is here to catch you up on everything you need to know if you missed the series' original run.
Skidoo (1968): the lost recap (part 6 of 14): Mickey Rooney sticks a fork in it
Thrilling parking violation action, LSD-flavored envelopes, and another legendary actor is unlucky enough to appear in this movie.
Why the audience didn’t need Superman Returns (2006)
“All of these plot points could be used to write three good Superman films. It is a waste that we didn’t even get one.”
6 things to love about From Russia with Love (1964)
“If you held a gun to my head and forced me to pick the Bond movie that rises to the top, I would have to say it’s From Russia with Love.”
Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 4 of 12)
“Are there people who were convinced up until this moment that bees are questioning, doubtful liars?”
Wrath of the Titans (2012)
“Will make anyone who loves to watch demi-gods jumping onto the backs of large computer-generated beasts giddy.”
Why James Bond will never fight Blofeld again
“So many villains since Blofeld have copied his iconography that he’s somehow become overshadowed by his own legacy.”
Dressed to Kill (1980), and separating the art from transphobia
“It’s an enrapturing, pulse-pounding film that elevates trashy, sensationalistic material to an artistic expression of primal sensuality. It’s also one of the most nakedly transphobic films ever made.”
The internet is ruining movies
“The internet has made watching movies easier, and made distribution easier, but the internet has also played a large role in the decline in quality of mainstream American movies, especially among blockbusters.”
Ishtar (1987): a recap (part 7 of 9)
“And this is what this movie has finally degenerated to: jokes on the level of someone yelling ‘ching chong, ching chong’ to imitate Chinese people.”
Skidoo (1968): the lost recap (part 5 of 14)
“Thanks a lot, Skidoo. One day, I’m going to flash back to this scene, something in my brain will snap, and I’ll kill a busload of kids.”
Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 3 of 12)
“Caine’s just surfing the deferential equation slopes, broham!”
Ishtar (1987): a recap (part 6 of 9)
“Remember when they performed their show at the Chez Casablanca and all the tourists loved it? We were all so much younger then.”
Skidoo (1968): the lost recap (part 4 of 14)
“I know so much about this movie, it’s painful.”
Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 2 of 12)
“Was this dialogue written by humans?”
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