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“It never really amounts to a great cinematic experience, which it easily could have been, and it never replicates the spirit of the comic book because, well, it’s not a comic book.”
There's a good chance you never bothered to see The Dukes of Hazzard's disastrous leap to the big screen. Fortunately, our good friends at The-Editing-Room.com re-wrote the entire script in 1,000 words or less... then slathered it all in sarcasm sauce.
“It’s all very bland, especially when so much more could have been done with her agelessness.”
“It’s only two hours long, which is about standard for today, but it’s two hours that drag on longer than the last 15 minutes of class before summer vacation.”
The truth about Premium Abrasax is revealed and it’s exactly what we figured out 30 minutes ago. Also, Titus Abrasax shows his romantic side by trying to get with his mom’s identical twin.
Tony and the gang give LSD to the entire prison with hopelessly unfunny results, and we learn there’s nothing like the love between Frank Gorshin and his seven foot tall giant.
“For all of the criticisms of what the prequel trilogy did to the backstory of the original trilogy, it didn’t wipe away the accomplishments of the original trilogy in the way that The Force Awakens does.”
Two writer-directors entrusted with a $175 million budget decide to bring their sci-fi/action film to a dead stop for no good reason. But hey, they got Terry Gilliam to do a cameo!
Jackie and the gang hatch a plan to dose the entire prison with LSD, while Otto Preminger hatches a plan to torture the audience and calls it the third act of Skidoo.
“Needless to say, it fails to match the grandeur of that time Elmer Fudd played the giant in a vain, desperate attempt to avoid typecasting.”
“This movie got a pretty good reception, but I think that’s just the result of looking good in comparison to Batman & Robin, in the same way that a mediocre baseball team looks good compared to the 1899 Cleveland Spiders.”
“Bubble Boy is such a misfire all around that it should be considered a medical nightmare.”
In which we meet a half-man/half-elephant, and Jupiter confesses her feelings for Caine in the most embarrassingly stupid way possible.
Tripping on LSD causes Jackie Gleason to turn over a new leaf, while back on Groucho's boat, we find out God's fatal weakness: cooties.
Jackie Gleason continues to trip on LSD and hallucinates a dancing Mickey Rooney and Zombie Arnold Stang, resulting in one of the most horrible GIFs ever perpetrated on humanity.
Hint: It involves people. Lots and lots of people. Oh, and get ready for the totally non-shocking reveal about why everyone is so interested in Jupiter.
Chuck and Lyle go commando on the CIA and are rewarded with all their dreams coming true: Namely, a government-funded live album and a girlfriend they can both share.
Jackie Gleason trips on LSD while Groucho Marx finally makes his grand, God-awful appearance.
In which we learn the true origins of the human race, as well as Caine Wise’s tragic backstory, which is uncannily similar to a certain legendary bouncer.
“Of course, sequels are a big way for Hollywood to keep revenue up, but some movies are being designed with sequels in mind before they’ve even proven there’s interest in a series.”