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Previously: Nothing. Nothing happened. The small exploratory starship USS Palomino found the long-missing big exploratory starship USS Cygnus near a black hole. That’s it. You are all caught up. Also, I misidentified long-time character actor Robert Forster as “Robert Forester”…
Previously: Decker tried to put the moves on the Ilia-probe, while Spock stole a spacesuit and tried to put the mind-meld moves on V’Ger. Sadly, those living machines aren’t quite the easy lay that either man expected. Spock wakes up in Sickbay. Dr. Chapel is scanning his brain, and McCoy tells Kirk that the “power pouring through that mind-meld” may have caused Spock...
Loyal readers may have noticed that I don’t write much. That’s because what I do write is indisputably genius. But why would a genius such as me (or Charles Babbage, or Sir George Stokes, or Isaac Newton, or any of…
Previously: The Enterprise entered the evil cloud and got a bit too close to the Great Sphincter. Lt. Ilia was abducted by the intruder, which left a robot “probe” lookalike in her place, sort of like a… changeling? And with that, it’s back to the TOS theme...
Previously: If you want to know what the last installment was like, give yourself a mild concussion and stare in wonder at all the lights and colors that dance before your eyes. Another alarm sounds, and this time, the Enterprise has been seized by a tractor beam...
Previously: Spock showed up at last and made himself science officer, leading to a heartwarming reunion where the guy was pretty near catatonic. There was some questioning of Spock’s motives between Kirk and McCoy that went nowhere, just in time for the Enterprise to make visual contact with the Maybe-Not-Evil Cloud.
Previously: The Slow-Motion Picture literally went into slow-motion as the Enterprise fell into a wormhole created purely by Kirk’s hubris. Decker agreed to “nursemaid” Kirk to prevent this sort of mishap from happening again, which isn’t quite as freaky as it sounds...
Previously: Kirk blindsided Decker by taking over the Enterprise, but Decker felt a lot better once his old flame Lt. Ilia came aboard. And then Kirk lost his science officer in a horrific transporter accident, but he felt a lot better once his old flame Dr. McCoy came aboard.
Previously: Spock’s human blood was touched by the big evil cloud out in space and so he didn’t get to join the Kohlinar Klub. Meanwhile, Kirk and Scotty flew around the Enterprise in a shuttle, and um… you know, I don’t think anything else happened. On the Enterprise bridge, it’s total chaos...
Previously: An evil cloud penetrated Klingon space, and it was hello, new Klingons! And then... bye, new Klingons! We abruptly cut from the evil cloud to Spock...
Is there a movie that more intensely divides Star Trek fans than Star Trek: The Motion Picture? To some, it’s a slow, boring, drawn-out film, with interminable special effects sequences, and a crew having weirdly awkward interactions with one another...
Previously: The villain went kaboom. What more do you really need to know? It’s daytime now, and there’s a serene-looking shot of the San Francisco skyline, so I guess the city recovered pretty quickly from a rocket exploding in the bay.
Previously: Eddie was able to rid himself of the Venom symbiote at the perfect time: just as his arch-enemy Carlton Drake got his own symbiote and sent his goons out to tranquilize Eddie and bring him back alive. Oops!
Previously: Carlton Drake offed his lead scientist Dr. Skirth, then sent his security team to go retrieve his symbiote. But Eddie successfully eluded them by finally turning into Venom, whose primary superpower seems to be shooting black goo out of various orifices.
Previously: Eddie got merged with one of Carlton Drake’s symbiotes, which allowed him to climb trees and gave him cravings for all sorts of not-dead foods. After dining on extremely fresh lobster, Annie’s doctor boyfriend Dan did an MRI scan on Eddie and then told him to go home and sleep off that symbiote.
Previously: Carlton Drake started using his symbiotes from space to experiment on homeless people, with predictable results. Eddie Brock, who previously lost his job over investigating Drake, got suckered into investigating him again. Meanwhile, an evil symbiote is aggressively making its way...
Previously: A spaceship belonging to Carlton Drake’s Life Foundation crashed in Asia, carrying several mysterious “organisms” (AKA symbiotes) as well as J. Jonah Jameson’s astronaut son, who immediately died and passed on a symbiote to an EMT worker. Meanwhile, Drake didn’t like the probing questions...
A movie about a Spider-Man villain whose origin and abilities are intrinsically tied to Spider-Man… where Spider-Man doesn’t appear, and which is completely devoid of any references at all to the Web-Slinger? How could this possibly result in anything but an Amazing Spider-Man 2-level disaster?
Previously: Hal pleaded his case for humanity… to the Guardians, oddly, instead of the big creepy cloud who just showed up on Earth looking to exterminate the human race. Also: Hector died, and no one really cared.
Previously: Amanda Waller lived a life told in stock photos, while Hector torched his dad, and Hal was powerless to stop it despite opening a wormhole to get to the scene of the crime. And now Parallax will have his revenge on the Guardians by… attacking Earth? Sure, why not.
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