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When we last left our heroes (and at this point, I’m really stretching the definition of that word; seriously, Bill is a bit of a dick and Kaminski is little more than drunken comic relief, albeit his legal acumen and/or ability to baffle with bullshit has come in handy twice)...
Hello, and welcome back to my Moon Zero Two extended recap. In case you’re new to the Booth, you can catch up by checking out the links to the first four parts here, here, here...
“Maverick then rejoins the battle and helps Iceman take out the remaining enemy planes, as totally happened all the time during the Cold War. AMERICA, YEAHHHHH!”
The 30th anniversary recap continues as we try to find out if Top Gun is still on top after all these years.
“I’m willing to risk it all to bring you this mini-recap, and find out if Top Gun is still on top after all these years.”
“Should Bill be drinking before heading into space? I don’t think that suit has a catheter, and his ship didn’t look big enough to have a toilet. Guess it’d better be a short trip.”
“I’d say the powers that be are trying to collectively piss off an entire region of planet Earth, but I get the feeling everybody gets offended equally here, and it’s just Latin America’s turn.”
The film (and perhaps the Wachowskis’ directing career) comes to a perfunctory end as we learn that while being ruler of a galactic empire might be nice, it can never compare to cleaning toilets for a living.
“Men’s-only locker room, casual misogyny when it comes to humor, assumptions that women are only interested in material goods. Glad to see the future hasn’t changed, 1969.”
This non-comedy gets a suitable non-ending as all the plot threads we’ve been following for six months devolve into a terrible musical number and the strangest closing credits in history.
Jupiter finally meets the main villain of the film, and it feels like a complete afterthought. But on the plus side, somebody in this movie will win an “award” for his acting.
“Roger Ebert would often espouse the notion that there are no good movies featuring hot air balloons. I’d like to think he was watching Skidoo at the time he formulated this theory.”
“Honestly, after the opening credits, I was expecting a lot less subtlety both in plot and visuals, like everyone would be walking around wearing aluminum cowboy hats or something.”
Jupiter and Titus are about to get married, but to the shock of no one, Titus has sinister motives. Cue “Mrs. Robinson” on the soundtrack as Caine rushes to stop the wedding.
“This is the first time I can say that a writer probably got his lyrics out of a trash can, and be completely accurate.”
The truth about Premium Abrasax is revealed and it’s exactly what we figured out 30 minutes ago. Also, Titus Abrasax shows his romantic side by trying to get with his mom’s identical twin.
Tony and the gang give LSD to the entire prison with hopelessly unfunny results, and we learn there’s nothing like the love between Frank Gorshin and his seven foot tall giant.
Two writer-directors entrusted with a $175 million budget decide to bring their sci-fi/action film to a dead stop for no good reason. But hey, they got Terry Gilliam to do a cameo!
Jackie and the gang hatch a plan to dose the entire prison with LSD, while Otto Preminger hatches a plan to torture the audience and calls it the third act of Skidoo.
In which we meet a half-man/half-elephant, and Jupiter confesses her feelings for Caine in the most embarrassingly stupid way possible.