Moon Zero Two (1969): a recap (part 2 of 10)
“Men’s-only locker room, casual misogyny when it comes to humor, assumptions that women are only interested in material goods. Glad to see the future hasn’t changed, 1969.”
Category: Movie Recap
Skidoo (1968), the lost recap (part 14 of 14): Adieu, Skidoo
This non-comedy gets a suitable non-ending as all the plot threads we’ve been following for six months devolve into a terrible musical number and the strangest closing credits in history.
Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 11 of 12): Eddie Redmayne’s Razzie clip
Jupiter finally meets the main villain of the film, and it feels like a complete afterthought. But on the plus side, somebody in this movie will win an “award” for his acting.
Skidoo (1968), the lost recap (part 13 of 14): A big beautiful blob of nothing
“Roger Ebert would often espouse the notion that there are no good movies featuring hot air balloons. I’d like to think he was watching Skidoo at the time he formulated this theory.”
Moon Zero Two (1969): a recap (part 1 of 10)
“Honestly, after the opening credits, I was expecting a lot less subtlety both in plot and visuals, like everyone would be walking around wearing aluminum cowboy hats or something.”
Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 10 of 12): Jupiter says yes to the dress
Jupiter and Titus are about to get married, but to the shock of no one, Titus has sinister motives. Cue “Mrs. Robinson” on the soundtrack as Caine rushes to stop the wedding.
Skidoo (1968), the lost recap (part 12 of 14): A garbage musical number
“This is the first time I can say that a writer probably got his lyrics out of a trash can, and be completely accurate.”
Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 9 of 12): My dinner with Titus
The truth about Premium Abrasax is revealed and it’s exactly what we figured out 30 minutes ago. Also, Titus Abrasax shows his romantic side by trying to get with his mom’s identical twin.
Skidoo (1968), the lost recap (part 11 of 14): And prison gets a little bit gayer
Tony and the gang give LSD to the entire prison with hopelessly unfunny results, and we learn there’s nothing like the love between Frank Gorshin and his seven foot tall giant.
Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 8 of 12): Aquarela do Bureaucracy
Two writer-directors entrusted with a $175 million budget decide to bring their sci-fi/action film to a dead stop for no good reason. But hey, they got Terry Gilliam to do a cameo!
Skidoo (1968), the lost recap (part 10 of 14): A good reason to drink aftershave lotion
Jackie and the gang hatch a plan to dose the entire prison with LSD, while Otto Preminger hatches a plan to torture the audience and calls it the third act of Skidoo.
Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 7 of 12): Must love dogs
In which we meet a half-man/half-elephant, and Jupiter confesses her feelings for Caine in the most embarrassingly stupid way possible.
Skidoo (1968), the lost recap (part 9 of 14): My father the torpedo
Tripping on LSD causes Jackie Gleason to turn over a new leaf, while back on Groucho’s boat, we find out God’s fatal weakness: cooties.
Skidoo (1968), the lost recap (part 8 of 14): A literal mind-screw
Jackie Gleason continues to trip on LSD and hallucinates a dancing Mickey Rooney and Zombie Arnold Stang, resulting in one of the most horrible GIFs ever perpetrated on humanity.
Jupiter Ascending (2015), a recap (part 6 of 12): The secret to younger looking skin
Hint: It involves people. Lots and lots of people. Oh, and get ready for the totally non-shocking reveal about why everyone is so interested in Jupiter.
Ishtar (1987), a recap (part 9 of 9): The most honest film ever released comes to an end
Chuck and Lyle go commando on the CIA and are rewarded with all their dreams coming true: Namely, a government-funded live album and a girlfriend they can both share.
Skidoo (1968), the lost recap (part 7 of 14): All things are like the void and cloudless sky
Jackie Gleason trips on LSD while Groucho Marx finally makes his grand, God-awful appearance.
Jupiter Ascending (2015): a recap (part 5 of 12): Caine is the perfect hunting (and dancing) machine
In which we learn the true origins of the human race, as well as Caine Wise’s tragic backstory, which is uncannily similar to a certain legendary bouncer.
Ishtar (1987): a recap (part 8 of 9): In the desert, you can remember your lame songs
‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain, except the makers of this movie. It’s the penultimate installment of Ishtar!
Skidoo (1968): the lost recap (part 6 of 14): Mickey Rooney sticks a fork in it
Thrilling parking violation action, LSD-flavored envelopes, and another legendary actor is unlucky enough to appear in this movie.
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