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To say Star Wars was a gamechanger is putting it lightly. While science fiction as a genre had been represented in some way, shape, or form in cinema since its inception, it seemed once George Lucas and Gary Kurtz’s masterpiece…
Last time: Jehnna retrieved the horn, which turned out to be in possession of another faction of Dagoth worshipers. Bombaata escaped with the princess and the horn, leaving the others in the dust with the knowledge that when Taramis gets…
Last time: Bombaata’s boys blew it when they tried to kidnap the princess, Conan got his drink on, the gang found a dungeon to plunder, and against all odds Tracey Walter made me like Malak. Let’s see if my hatred…
Last time: Conan fought a dude wearing an ugly rubber mask and smashed a bunch of mirrors to defeat him. He turned back into Thoth Amon and he chose wizardcide rather than be captured. The princess retrieved the hot rock…
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Last time: Conan and company began their quest, picking up new members Zula (okay, I’m calling Grace Jones by her character name now) and Mako (still calling him Mako). But the team hit a snag when the sorcerer Thoth Amon…
Last time: Conan and (sigh) Malak, professional thieves, were tracked down by Queen Taramis, who had a job for the former and pretty much pretended the other didn’t exist. If Conan undertakes the quest to bring her niece…
It’s safe to say that Conan the Barbarian was and is one of my favorite movies from my youth. Arnold seemed like a larger than life demi-god with that inhuman physique of his, the action was the most violent I…
A note from the author: Hi! I’m acclaimed author and wanted felon, Jordon Davis. You may know me from the fact that I wrote part five of this recap in January. It is now June. What was I doing during…
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Last time: Spartan and company (including Zachary Lamb, who appears to possess the mutant power of invisibility, which he uses throughout the rest of the film) went down Below to find Simon Phoenix, only to meet Edgar Friendly. Dots were…
Last time on Demolition Man: After having dinner at Taco Bell and thwarting Edgar Friendly’s attempt to steal food for his people, Spartan botched a virtual sex encounter with Lenina. But after playing a hunch, Spartan discovered Cocteau might…
Previously: Simon Phoenix visited a museum (probably for the first time in his life) to get his hands on a gun, and he and John Spartan squared off there. Phoenix escaped and met Cocteau, who—surprise, surprise—is the true villain, having…
Previously: Simon Phoenix was let loose on an unsuspecting 21st century, killing 11 people (I figured out later the 11th would have been the poor bastard he got his overalls from). The police, unequipped to deal with violence, have awakened…
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Previously on Harley Quinn & Friends: All the movie’s colorful mismatched personalities with their own motivations have finally realized that they have to team up and kick ass for womankind against the marauding fuckboi army.
The girls engage in…
Last time on Curds of Whey: An insanely valuable diamond is currently traversing the colon of the school-aged thief Cassandra Cain, and a group of badass babes with improbable personal connections to her are all wanting to get it…
For the most part, the 1990s weren’t a good time for Sylvester Stallone. After a finishing out the previous decade strong with films like Tango & Cash and Rambo III (the less said about Lock Up, the better), he…
Previously on Birds of Prey, Yup, Just Birds of Prey, That’s The Whole Title: Harley Quinn broke up with Joker. That’s good! But without Joker’s protection, Harley’s in the crosshairs of Roman Sionis AKA Black Mask, who wants to…
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Previously on BoPatFEoOHQ: Professional bad girl Harley Quinn read enough Tumblr posts to convince her that her relationship with the Joker was abusive and needed to end. She blew up a chemical plant to show how Not Mad she…
It was perhaps inevitable that the 2020 female-centric superhero movie Birds of Prey: Harley Quinn’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day would become the subject of several rich and pungent threads of Film Discourse. A lot of this discourse…
When we last left our band, they abducted the princess but Valeria paid with her life. And now with Thulsa Doom on his way to reclaim what is his, Conan and Subotai must prepare for the fight of their lives!…
Last time, Conan attempted to stealth his way through a level and got caught, tortured, and left for dead. His friends saved him, but at what cost?
Conan practices the katas his masters in the East had taught him, seemingly…
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