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Category: Movie Recap

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jan 8, 2019

Warcraft (2016): a recap (part 7 of 7)

Previously on Warcraft: The hell, guy? You just started reading here? What gives? The demon’s death causes an explosion of Fel magic that radiates from the top of Medivh’s penthouse and expands, denuding trees for miles around. Khadgar and…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Dec 17, 2018

Warcraft (2016), a recap (part 5 of 7)

Previously on Warcraft: The orcs were almost done with Gul’dan’s dimensional gate, which if successful, will doom Azeroth to a full-scale orc invasion. Token Good Orc Durotan met with the humans to hammer out a little somethin’-or-other to their…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Dec 10, 2018

Warcraft (2016), a recap (part 4 of 7)

Our story begins in the mid-1960s, when a musician from South London named David Jones decided to change his last name to avoid confusion with the then-famous Monkee Davy Jones. Taking the mispronounced surname of an American frontiersman as his…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Dec 4, 2018

Warcraft (2016), a recap (part 3 of 7)

We’re watching Warcraft… …where everything’s made up, the points don’t matter, and nothing settles the hell down down long enough to cohere or resonate with the viewer in any way. In our previous segment, the orc advance guard have…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 27, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 8 of 8)

Previously: I offered my 13 year-old son $50 to watch this movie on the theory that, if it was made for anybody, it was made for him. He turned it off after six minutes. Also, there’s a big chase between…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Nov 26, 2018

Warcraft (2016), a recap (part 2 of 7)

Last time on Warcraft: The peoples of the orc dimension, beset by environmental catastrophe, are seeking asylum in the wealthy lands of Azeroth. But be warned: when the orc dimension sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 20, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 7 of 8)

Previously: Teenager Limus has fallen in love with a robot. She’s had her memory erased by the evil Senator Biter. Now he’s got her, and Limus is alone. It’s worse than it sounds. You know that feeling you get when…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Nov 19, 2018

Warcraft (2016), a recap (part 1 of 7)

Why are so many video game movies so bad? According to Rotten Tomatoes, the best-reviewed video game adaptation in history was this year’s Tomb Raider reboot, favored by a crushing 51% of critics. We’ve been at this for twenty-five years…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Rob Kirchgassner · Nov 14, 2018

Bride of the Monster (1955)

There are varying degrees of both good and bad when it comes to movies, of course. Some movies are so awful they’re only worth watching just once, but others are bad in such an enjoyable way that you can’t help…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Nov 12, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 6 of 8)

Previously: I advised men not to place their penises into fruit that’s been heated to 38 degrees above boiling, and someone in the comments section objected to it. Also, a sexbot is being chased by a United States Senator and…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 30, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 5 of 8)

Previously: Senator Biter ordered a sexbot, but now she’s in the hands of two teenage boys. They’ve got her stashed in a motel for the night and this is… part 5? Seriously? I have got to get my life together.…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 25, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 4 of 8)

Previously: Vaguely successful fashion model Cynthia Kirchner thought she got her big acting break when asked to star in a teen sex comedy, but it doesn’t seem to be working out the way she’d hoped. Limus needs a place to…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Rob Kirchgassner · Oct 24, 2018

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

Over 25 years before Young Frankenstein hit cinemas, another classic comedy involving Mary Shelley’s creation made a memorable impression on audiences. That movie, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, was ambitious for a number of reasons. One of these was…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 17, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 3 of 8)

Previously: The Polish brothers got their hands on some filmmaking equipment again. Now two teenagers are face-to-face with a naked robot. And the robot says...

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 10, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 2 of 8)

Previously: These are the times that try men’s souls. Look on this picture and weep over it! And if there yet remains one thoughtless wretch who believes it not, let him suffer it unlamented. —Thomas Paine (probably) The Hot…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Jordon Davis · Oct 1, 2018

Hot Bot (2016), a recap (part 1 of 8)

Synopsis: Imagine the dumbest idea you’ve ever had in the stupidest dream of your entire life, and then imagine a community center for at-risk 7th graders making a film about it. You have now imagined a better movie than Hot …

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Rob Kirchgassner · Aug 21, 2018

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

Robert Zemeckis’s hit comedy Who Framed Roger Rabbit turns 30 this year. While it was a Disney production, this film was a hit in large part because it gave people the once-in-a-lifetime chance to see classic cartoon characters such as…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jul 30, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 9 of 9)

Well, we got through Suicide Squad. If you just started reading this recap here, I’ll let Superman sum the movie up for you: But despite Suicide Squad’s banal ugliness, its addled editing, its incoherent characterizations, its risible villain, and its…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jul 16, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 8 of 9)

A while ago on Suicide Squad: The most useful member of the team found his cojones, only to sacrifice them (and everything else) to kill Enchantress’s brother “Chester”, whose real name I never heard even once. But Enchantress’s machine…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jul 9, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 7 of 9)

Antecedently on Suicide Squad: The chips are down for our plucky band of felons. Waller’s been kidnapped and mind-probed. Joker’s escape attempt went awry; he got in a helicopter crash *snicker* and he’s *snort* totally…