• Agonizer / Text / Just Because You Think It Doesn't Mean You Should Write It

Buzzfeed Community Member Writes Lovely Little Unaccidental Racist Listicle

We don’t understand what Buzzfeed gets out of letting “community members” put up listicles that range from banal to awful. They probably make millions off of it somehow. Sunday, they let some genius put up a delightful little piece that is ostensibly signs that you are from the South but really is more Signs You Are An Idiot Or A Racist Or Both. Let’s tackle some of the badness, shall we?

There’s the stuff that is just straight up regular garden variety racist.

2. You’re proud to fly the rebel flag.

Urm, there are likely plenty of people of color who are from the South who do not wish to fly the Confederate flag and are probably not so glad that you think flying said flag is a great signifier of southerness. Also, just CALLING it the rebel flag is kind of a tip off you’re one of those people who will buttonhole us at a party and explain that the War of Northern Aggression wasn’t about slaves at all.

9. When people bring up the Civil War and argue that all Southerners are racist

This comes with a cheesy graphic of Gordon Ramsay lunging and saying “bloody hell” which we guess is what you, southern boy/girl/bot/whatever thing that wrote this, do when people want to talk about the civil war.

14. Maybe your family even owned a plantation home at some point

Is this a point of pride? Also, as we must point out again, black people dwelling in the South, who are perfectly aware they are from the South, likely did not own a plantation.

Then there’s guns guns guns guns guns.

5. You love guns and probably own quite a few…
6. You love hunting (duck, deer, pheasant, etc.) and the Robertsons

You guys, there are no less than four pictures of the Duck Dynasty clan in this listicle. Perhaps it should have been called “Ten Reasons I’d Like To Make It With One of Those Racist Bearded Dudes From Teevee.”

The remainder of the listicle is declaring that many things that we thought were sorta kinda loved by many people — Jesus, dessert, football, sitting in chairs and looking at water, living on farms, driving trucks — are actually signs you are from the South, which is news to us Yankees.

Finally, the list ends with this:

Buzzfeed Community Member Writes Lovely Little Unaccidental Racist Listicle

You’re going to shoot us if we talk smack about the South? That seems a wee bit much, but perhaps that’s just us not understanding good old Southern pride. Oh well.

[Buzzfeed]

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    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      That’s what happens when you bring agrarians to an industrial revolution fight.

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    • Well, the North did think twice, and decided that on second thought, it was time to kick their ass. Apparently the last ass-kicking didn’t teach them anything.

      • Athirson

        Sherman didn’t do a thorough enough job

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          • Athirson

            Given the extent to which the South resists any type of change (eg if FDR hadn’t forced the Tennessee Valley Authority on them, they would still be using candles) I think that readmitting and reconstructing was a bad idea. We should have freed the slaves, Sherman should have mowed down the last blade of grass, and the North should have said, “OK boys, wanna be independent? Have at it”

  • mrsmayhem

    My favorite is the part about how “you love your country!” directly below the truck painted with the flag of the secessionist army.

    • Sue4466

      It takes a great deal of cognitive dissonance to maintain that one is both (1) the Ultimate Patriot(tm) and (2) a supporter of the Confederacy that sought to destroy the whole “united” thing in “United States.”

  • Snarknado

    #TeamGawker

  • splashy79

    I’m from the South, and don’t think like this at all. Only some do. They may be in the majority, but they are not everyone.

  • Karlew

    Born and raised in the South and I only agree with number 10. I do love dessert

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    • jangoodell

      Hey, me and Wendy D both lived in trailers at one point. My kids are to trashy…..

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  • Athirson

    What really makes my mind reel is one of the anti-gay arguments. They say that allowing gays the same rights as the rest of us will lead to acceptance of bestiality, incest and such. That argument of course falls flat on its face when you realize that such things are already widely practiced, and for all intents and purposes legal, in the South

    • Thomas McCabe

      When I think of the south of the US I always think of Deliverance

      • Athirson

        So, I bet, does Jon Voight. At least every time he sits down

  • malsperanza

    You better think twice about dissing the South, or else … uh, … some actor from a TV show about angels will point a prop gun at you?That actor is, I believe, from Texas, thus reaffirming what I have long suspected: that 95% of what passes for Suthrun is actually Texican.

  • AnOuthouse

    10. Fuck the south9. Fuck the south8. Fuck the south.7. Fuck the south.Before they fuck you.

  • Mojopo

    How do you not have hypertension from seeing things like this? Bless your heart.

  • newbroom

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xjGgiDloRgScrew Yew! “Sing it with me!” John the revleators: 3:46

  • Robert Slack

    These rednecks also get stubby little erections when they see the American flag–the flag borne by the union soldiers who marched through their fields and burned their cities and put an end to their wholesome tradition of owning human beings.Note to rednecks: by every sense of morality and history, waving the confederate flag represents the exact negation of the stars and stripes. If you want to be proud of the confederate flag, then so be it. Just don’t pretend you’re a real American.

  • Carter

    On the other hand, liberal Southerners are the nicest people in the country.

  • (((0gham)))

    Behold: The willfully, proudly ignorant asshole. The South’s great regional embarrassment. FUCK YOU for implying all Southerners are proud of our shameful history. And to whomever put that Buzzfeed thing together, I quote Silky Johnson:”I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.”Signed,A Southerner