Let’s Paint Over All That Dumb Graffiti, Burn Down Some Art Houses, And Knock Down Some Thousand-Year-Old Buddhas While We Are At It
Do you hate art? I am right there with you. Art is bullshit, and I would like to punch it in the face. Luckily for us, some good souls have been murdering art all week long, like they are the Taliban and the world is their thousand-year-old Buddha. Let’s look upon their good works, that we may applaud them.
First someone decided to burn down one of the art houses in Detroit’s Heidelberg Project. Well, probably not “decided to” so much as “continued to,” since this is now the third (of seven total houses in the project) to be torched since October.
What did the houses look like before? Oh, just some nonsense. They were covered with pennies, or soul records, or, I dunno, these things:
So who could have done such a thing, thrice? Obviously, some goodly folk whose names may go unsung but they will be the unknown heroes of our hearts.
Then the Detroit emergency manager decided Detroit Institute of Arts wasn’t pulling its weight in bringing half a million visitors a year to Detroit’s downtown, and asked for a very fair tithe of $500 million. All they’d have to do is sell off all their world-famous art, shut down, and not bring half a million visitors a year to Detroit’s downtown. Who wants visitors anyway? Then you need to pay the electricity for the stoplights. We applaud this emergency manager fellow for understanding priorities — that we should loot that shit while the lootin’s good.
Luckily, we know whom to hug to our bosoms in gratitude for not only getting permission to raze 5Pointz in Queens, but also for painting the entire graffiti mecca white first! It was such a fine, strong “fuck you” to the delinquents who took the blighted warehouse and made it so gauche and dazzling and colorful — it really was a terrible eyesore, since you couldn’t look away if you were riding the 7 train, and in fact would anticipate the sight for some minutes beforehand. Thankfully, it is white now, like God and America intended — although we would have preferred a taupe or a beige — and soon will be properly flat.
Fuck it if it ain’t signed by Banksy, amirite?
There, doesn’t this make you feel a whole lot better?
To round out our week: someone gave Tom Wolfe $2.15 million for his letters to his tailor — I’d like to meet him! — which seems like a fucking idiot thing to do and also go fuck yourself Tom Wolfe, you couldn’t donate the papers to the library, like a person? That is, it seems that way until you remember that that $2.15 million payday equals 1/50th of a single night’s payday for Damien Hirst, 1000 houses in Detroit, and four percent of the Resnicks’ donation to LACMA so they could have a pavilion with their names on it in a really nice font.