Big Baby Brooklyn Man Sues City Because Big Mean Rock In The Park Made Him Cry

Big Baby Brooklyn Man Sues City Because Big Mean Rock In The Park Made Him Cry

Are you a special snowflake? Do you believe the world is your playground but you should also be protected from any sharp corners the world has, literally and figuratively? Then you are probably a nonsense person like Jonathan Stock, who is suing New York City for his fall from a rock he climbed in a Manhattan Park.

You may ask yourself “how on earth is it the city’s fault if some grown person millennial doofus climbs a rock and falls down?” We are completely confused about this as well, but that is because we are not special snowflake indigo child adult playground world is our oyster type of people. But Jonathan Stock sure as fuck is.

A Brooklyn man is suing the city after falling from a large boulder in a Hudson River Park that he says was just begging to be climbed.

“Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I don’t get to explore the world, too,” said Jonathan Stock, 32, who ruptured his Achilles tendon in the fall. […]

Most of the rocks are flat, and range from a couple of inches to a few feet tall. But the centerpiece is a 10-foot-tall, rectangular boulder with a slight slope on one side.

“I ran and jumped it, and I pretty much knew exactly what happened right away. I tried to stand up and fell back down on my face completely,” he said.

So you are an adult, and you want to explore the world, but you do not want to be responsible for what happens if you explore the world, and also you are too fucking dumb to think twice about jumping off of a ten-foot rock. But that rock was just asking for it.

Stock’s lawyer says the absence of a sign barring climbing is negligence. “It just invites you or anybody with any athletic sense to give it a try,” said attorney Andrew Spinnell.

That is really not true, attorney Andrew Spinnell, because most of us are not ridiculous man-children who have to explore the world by jumping off of rocks. Or, if we are ridiculous man-children who need to jump off rocks, we fucking take responsibility for any injuries that might result. Also, you know full well if there had been a sign, someone like Stock would have sued because the sign restricted his sense of wonder and play and freedom in wandering and climbing among the rocks.

We’re going to watch the progress of this lawsuit so carefully, because now that the cheerleader sues mommy and daddy to make them pay for college thing is done, this is our new favorite stupid lawsuit trick.

[Gothamist/New York Post]

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  • lesterthegiantape


    • lesterthegiantape

      dammit, I WAS first.

  • peteywheats

    There really should be a sign on everything over 3 feet tall that says “Do not climb, dumbass.”

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Or maybe just a sign that says “Gravity and the laws of physics are in effect in this park.”

  • Mahousu

    The way that boulder was dressed, it was totally asking for it.

    • (((JustPixelz)))

      “Begging” for it, if the article is to be believed. And I don’t see any sign warning us not to believe the article.

  • (((JustPixelz)))

    He also sued his mother for not warning him not to jump in the lake just because his friends did so.

  • SilverSpringer

    Andrew Spinnell? This was the lawyer involved in suing some guy for giving a bad Yelp review review to a NYC watch shop last month.

  • tegrat

    Get in line, Johnny boy. I already got’s me a lawsuit for sexual harassment against that rock.

  • Taking all the warning labels off of everything for about a year or so should clean up the gene pool nicely.

    • peteywheats

      Unfortunately it still leaves any illiterate dumbasses around.

  • Come here a minute

    The New York Post’s use of the word “man” to describe Master Stock is yet another example of their shoddy journalism.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Outsmarted by a rock. Nice.

  • bellaganj

    i’d like to explore the electric outlet with a fork. you better stop me!

  • docterry6973

    I stepped in a river and got my shoe wet. Who do I sue?

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Your English teachers.

  • i can’t believe you put this piece up, HNTP. I mean, the clickbait factor was high, and i wanted to explore what a story about a guy like this might be like, because even though i’m an adult i’m still curious, ok? So i clicked it, and it wasn’t very interesting, and i lost about 2 minut…ok, still writing, 2 and a half minutes of my life.You will be receiving a call from Andrew Spinnell, my lawyer as of 30 seconds ago, about this matter. i expect compensation and I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY.

  • Swampgas_Man

    “Athletic Sense” is obviously different from “Common”, or “Any fucking concept of the physical universe” sense.

  • JParkerSD46

    Oh, dumb motherf-ers. Here’s another couple of idiots I will pay money to repeatedly punch in the face. The problem, however, is I don’t have enough money to keep doing this because there are just too damn many of these sniveling little douchebags. Maybe I’ll just knock-out-game them instead.

  • Joseph

    Some personal trainer! I prefer one that can generally stay upright.

  • Annie Towne

    Do we know what happened in the case of the girl suing her parents? I’d follow the link then use Google, but I’m too tired from clicking on the things you’ve already seduced me into clicking on. In fact, I’m thinking of suing you for giving me carpal tunnel syndrome. This has inspired me.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    This tool wants to be compensated for his failure to successfully mount a 10-foot tall boulder. How about the district attorney look into charging him with molesting public boulders/property?

  • le_renard_de_velours

    This just shows that rocks have ways of shutting that whole climbing thing down.

  • As a NYC taxpayer who has taken a spill myself — once tearing a tendon and needing to pay my copay on the physical therapy for a couple of months, I would just like to say GROW UP, Jonathan. In my case the city was negligent in that I tripped over a lump in the sidewalk. However, I was running for a bus at a time, at night, in clogs, and I’m an old. Grown ups should know better. Period. Hate to sound like a Republican, but if your mother raised an idiot, it’s not my fault.

  • dana becker

    He should have to pay for filing a frivolous lawsuit and an additional fine for not taking responsibility for his own stupidity. This blaming everyone but ourselves mentality has got to be stopped. Let’s make him the poster-child for it.