Bring It! But don’t Bring It On! Because that’s probably copyright infringement!

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In an attempt to capitalize on their successful Dance Moms franchise, Lifetime has thrown up a different show that probably isn’t going to make it to season two. So, get in quick on this train wreck! We are predicting an unceremonious end to the fantastically terrible “Bring It!” You can watch the entire first episode here if you are so inclined but you are probably not, which is why we watched it for you.

“Bring It!” follows the trials and tribulations of the hip-hop majorette troupe, The Dancing Dolls. It’s a personal failing that we haven’t been introduced to this burgeoning art form. Just in case you too have been remiss in exploring this cultural phenomenon, let us introduce you:

The competitions apparently have several different components, but the first episode introduced us to the Captain’s Solo and the Stand Battle.

In both cases, it’s important for you to know that hair flicks can make or break the competition.

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Our newest favoritest coach, Miss Dianna Williams, argues that the Stand Battle is the most popular component. As Miss D explains, “In war you’re back and forth shooting each other; the only difference is that we don’t use guns.” OK then.

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Miss D admits that she has “made some mistakes, participated in some adult films.” As you do. Who hasn’t been there? But, Miss D is motivated by her mistakes, knowing that she can keep her Dolls on the straight and narrow. And Miss D, like Miss Kim of Kim of Queens infamy, while flawed, is a compelling character who seems to genuinely believe she is helping her young charges even though she is really probably not.

Sadly, the only future we see stemming from this particular hobby is Fly Girl (is that even still a thing?) or dancing on the pole (AKA cheerleading for professional sports teams). Ooh, you think that was a harsh dig at professional cheerleading? HAVE YOU SEEN PROFESSIONAL CHEERLEADING LATELY? Not actual cheerleading with amazing stunts and perfect synchronization, but THIS GARBAGE:

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or

2013-nba-finals-miami-heat-cheerleaders-3

But, we digress. So, like “Dance Moms” this show centers not on the girls, but on the moms. The girls are portrayed almost exclusively through their dancing, which we applaud, because it’s not exactly a stretch to exploit the poor behavior of 14 year old girls. Watching adults make asses of themselves, we have no problem with that.

Returning to our plot! Tensions are high because the moms are not allowed in the studio. Given that they are still disruptive when locked out of the studio, it’s not hard to understand why Miss D would prefer they stay outside, advising the moms that “Practice is closed…indefinitely.” And, that in the future, they should “wear regular shoes.” As opposed to the 4 inch platform heel one of the moms is sporting.

Bring it Shoes

In the premiere episode, the Dancing Dolls are battling the Ladies of Excellence. The actual dancing is energetic and the girls obviously know their “stands” – in fact, as a former dancer, the set-up is fairly amazing. On the fly, the dance captain calls a pre-rehearsed routine set to 8 counts of music, without knowing what music will be played. Like in” Dance Moms,” the competition serves as an entertaining climax to thirty minutes of random fighting and confused shouting.

Spoiler Alert!!! The sneak peek for next week’s episode (Airing Wednesday March 12th, 10/9pm central, but already available through iTunes) keeps us wanting more – in it we realize the Dancing Dolls are going up against the Prancing Tigerettes.

Bring it - Prancing Tigerettes

OMG. We are in love with the Prancing Tigerettes. Please to send us information about how to join your club. This is also the episode in which Miss D prays for the “baddest eyewinks” prior to the competition, which we would officially add to all Happy Nice Time People prayers, if we weren’t all going straight to hell for mocking television shows featuring children.

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  • $73376667

    At this point I think being an actual stripper pays better than being a professional cheerleader.

  • MoNique

    Really?! All that NEGATIVITY?!! Why? For What? Because its a dance art form you haven’t have any prior knowledge of or exposure to?? Don’t be so closed minded!!! I guess you’ve never attended or heard of an HBCU or its band dancer! SHM Open your mind and stop being so negative!

  • Jen

    I absolutely love this show! Glad it got picked up for another season. The stand battles are totally entertaining and exciting to watch!

  • Theresa

    Your prediction was dead wrong

  • Nikki

    Well weren’t you just completely wrong!?! ??? ass

  • Yolanda Glenn

    Here we are in 2017 and you were saying?? Huh, I can’t here you!!! Karnak the Magnificent!!! You prediction was resoundingly WRONG!!!