Breaking! Jesus People Who Hate Hollywood Are Definitely Going To Boycott Hollywood
Oh man, now you have done it, Hollywood. All those years of unfettered liberal sex and drugs and violence! Religious people mumbled unhappily about that, but they never found the chink in your armor. Now you’ve made your fatal mistake: telling them that they can’t cheat to get their awful song into the Oscar nominations.
Remember when we made you listen to that terrible Christian song, “Alone Yet Not Alone” and explained how the composer of said bad song, Bruce Broughton, had
behaved with the very slightest teeny shard of impropriety in stone cold cheated his way into getting the nomination by personally reaching out to voters, a super no-no since he was once a governor of the committee and is also a current executive committee member? And then he explained how it was totally unfair that he can’t cheat because other people had big ad budgets and he did not, therefore ipso facto also too cogito ergo sum it was not cheating?
Yeah, you should have listened, Academy, because now those God-bothering people that already hate everything you stand for and engage in culture scolding 24/7 are totally gonna boycott you. Take that, heathens!
[T]he Faith & Freedom Coalition—a nonprofit group that spends millions of dollars to mobilize evangelical voters (and also likes to compare President Obama’s policies to those of Nazi Germany) joined in with a call to protest against Hollywood’s latest salvo of “faith-based bigotry” and “anti-Christian bias.” In a press release, the Coalition announced it was contacting its more than “700,000 members and supporters” and urging them to kick of a campaign of phone calls and protest against the Academy’s Beverly Hills headquarters.
Aw Jesus, some poor admin assistant or accounts payable clerk is going to have to deal with this ragtag band of religious nonsense people hanging about outside their workplace and haranguing them about how they’re going to hell because they wouldn’t let the bestest most Jesus-est song ever have the Oscar. Worse, they’ll have to listen to endless shrill phone calls from Ralph Reed and friends, because he has already signal boosted this thing too.
“The decision by the Academy of Motion Pictures of Arts and Sciences to withdraw the richly-deserved Best Song nomination of Alone Yet Not Alone, which contains a powerful message of faith, is blatantly discriminatory and just the latest example of Hollywood’s apparent hostility to expressions of faith in God,” said Ralph Reed, chairman of the Coalition. “We urge the Academy to reinstate the nomination or risk needlessly offending tens of millions of Americans and moviegoers of faith.”
Dear Ralph Reed and friends and fellow travelers: entertainment industries work by providing entertainment people want, and then those people give them monies. Tens of millions of people of faith or not-faith want to see Fast and Furious 7, and they want that fucking song from a Disney movie to win an Oscar.
If they wanted your boring song to win, or wanted to see your inspiring tale of faith and perseverance and whatever the hell else your boring movie is about, they would do so, and you would have all the monies and a ginormous ad budget to ram your song down the throats of the Academy voters. But people do not want what you are selling, and you don’t get to circumvent that by whining about how you deserve special voting treatment, especially when the Academy rules make super-clear that you can’t do what you did. So boycott away, suckas. The rest of us will go to movies where people fuck and cars get blowed up and 1980s scammers and stockbrokers and starlets snort cocaine like it is going out of style.
One last important thought: Couldn’t God have just made them give this piece of meh the Oscar if He really wanted to? What’s the point of having a God that listens to your personal entreaties if He just ignores you over really important stuff like Tim Tebow’s football career and the Oscar for Best Song 2014? My God, why hath You forsaken them??