Breaking! Jesus People Who Hate Hollywood Are Definitely Going To Boycott Hollywood

Breaking! Jesus People Who Hate Hollywood Are Definitely Going To Boycott Hollywood

Oh man, now you have done it, Hollywood. All those years of unfettered liberal sex and drugs and violence! Religious people mumbled unhappily about that, but they never found the chink in your armor. Now you’ve made your fatal mistake: telling them that they can’t cheat to get their awful song into the Oscar nominations.

Remember when we made you listen to that terrible Christian song, “Alone Yet Not Alone” and explained how the composer of said bad song, Bruce Broughton, had behaved with the very slightest teeny shard of impropriety in stone cold cheated his way into getting the nomination by personally reaching out to voters, a super no-no since he was once a governor of the committee and is also a current executive committee member? And then he explained how it was totally unfair that he can’t cheat because other people had big ad budgets and he did not, therefore ipso facto also too cogito ergo sum it was not cheating?

Yeah, you should have listened, Academy, because now those God-bothering people that already hate everything you stand for and engage in culture scolding 24/7 are totally gonna boycott you. Take that, heathens!

[T]he Faith & Freedom Coalition—a nonprofit group that spends millions of dollars to mobilize evangelical voters (and also likes to compare President Obama’s policies to those of Nazi Germany) joined in with a call to protest against Hollywood’s latest salvo of “faith-based bigotry” and “anti-Christian bias.” In a press release, the Coalition announced it was contacting its more than “700,000 members and supporters” and urging them to kick of a campaign of phone calls and protest against the Academy’s Beverly Hills headquarters.

Aw Jesus, some poor admin assistant or accounts payable clerk is going to have to deal with this ragtag band of religious nonsense people hanging about outside their workplace and haranguing them about how they’re going to hell because they wouldn’t let the bestest most Jesus-est song ever have the Oscar. Worse, they’ll have to listen to endless shrill phone calls from Ralph Reed and friends, because he has already signal boosted this thing too.

“The decision by the Academy of Motion Pictures of Arts and Sciences to withdraw the richly-deserved Best Song nomination of Alone Yet Not Alone, which contains a powerful message of faith, is blatantly discriminatory and just the latest example of Hollywood’s apparent hostility to expressions of faith in God,” said Ralph Reed, chairman of the Coalition. “We urge the Academy to reinstate the nomination or risk needlessly offending tens of millions of Americans and moviegoers of faith.”

Dear Ralph Reed and friends and fellow travelers: entertainment industries work by providing entertainment people want, and then those people give them monies. Tens of millions of people of faith or not-faith want to see Fast and Furious 7, and they want that fucking song from a Disney movie to win an Oscar.

If they wanted your boring song to win, or wanted to see your inspiring tale of faith and perseverance and whatever the hell else your boring movie is about, they would do so, and you would have all the monies and a ginormous ad budget to ram your song down the throats of the Academy voters. But people do not want what you are selling, and you don’t get to circumvent that by whining about how you deserve special voting treatment, especially when the Academy rules make super-clear that you can’t do what you did. So boycott away, suckas. The rest of us will go to movies where people fuck and cars get blowed up and 1980s scammers and stockbrokers and starlets snort cocaine like it is going out of style.

One last important thought: Couldn’t God have just made them give this piece of meh the Oscar if He really wanted to? What’s the point of having a God that listens to your personal entreaties if He just ignores you over really important stuff like Tim Tebow’s football career and the Oscar for Best Song 2014? My God, why hath You forsaken them??

[Mother Jones]

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  • Ambignostic

    Why don’t they just make their own Christian alternative version of Hollywood? I hear there’s show business in Thompson’s Station, TN.

    • Dragoon21b

      Because you would wind up with five seperate remakes of “The Greatest Story Ever Told”…or worse “The last temptation of Christ II

      • NoNotThatOne

        Actually the religious hated LToC with a fiery fervor. Jebus getting it on with Marthy and Mary then deciding being crucified was lame. That is until a disciple was all “wtf, Jebus, you’re supposed to be dead, fucker”.

    • PubOption

      Santorum tried, and failed.

    • Fare la Volpe

      How are they going to make a movie without any Jews?

    • Duckler

      That Lethal Weapon guy’s 120 minute snuff film made like a billion dollars.. so anything is possible. Always bring that up when these assholes shout about persecution in Hollywood.

  • JohnBull

    And another thing, Red State America. If God really loved you, why does he curse you with diabetes and tornadoes and shitty health care that someone in Albania wouldn’t want? May want to pray harder.

  • Duckler

    And don’t forget to get Erik Estrada involved..!

  • Señor Skwerl

    Please Christians boycott Hollywood and watch Faith Films so their sister production company, Asylum Pictures, can make more delicious mockbusters like Mega Shark v. Mecha Shark and Atlantic Rim.

  • Duckler

    Note to ‘some poor admin assistant or accounts payable clerk’ subjected to this idiocy: Just punch these jerks in the face.

  • Fare la Volpe

    “…snort cocaine like it’s going out of style.”But it’s not, right!? Because I got a party coming up…

  • Farb

    One crappy pop tune is pretty much the same as another crappy pop tune. Getting worked up over it just shows are skewed priorities are. Apparently, Christers are no different than Hip Hoppers in this regard.

  • motmelere

    Good lord, they really want to go to a party hosted by Ellen DeGeneres?

  • NoNotThatOne

    Christians, always getting, um… uppity (?) when things don’t go their way. I think we have some insight into what started the whole Roman persecution thingy.

  • ButchWagstaff

    These people will bring Hollywood to its knees and cram righteousness right down it’s throat!