We Do Not Even Remotely Promise Not To Break This Crystal Foosball Table You Will Buy Us For Christmas


Sometimes, we need beautiful things, even if we know they are fragile and cannot last. We need to be appreciated, loved, in that special way only money can buy. That’s why you’re going to purchase this beautiful yet utterly impractical crystal foosball table for us because we need to keep our foosball score in style.


Now, we’re a bit particular about which crystal foosball table we want, because apparently there is a variety to choose from. While the others are perfectly lovely if you’re a farmer or a commoner or a peasant, we really only want the limited edition gold version.

Cristallino GOLD LE is the perfect representation of the union between the elegance of gold and the precious perfection typical of the Teckell® table series. A foosball table embellished with exclusive 24 carat gold plated accessories, making Cristallino GOLD LE among the most coveted of the collection. This numbered and limited series is available in only 50 exemplars.

Everything about us screams “union of elegance of gold and precious perfection of table” now doesn’t it? Just think of how great this bad boy will look in our home office with sweatshirts and socks and old coffee cups stacked on it. Magnificent! We don’t really have faith that it will last as a foosball table for more than one game, though, since it is a foosball table made of crystal and that is about the weirdest combination idea ever. It will break within minutes of use, but we will always have those minutes, courtesy of your pocketbook.

Fare thee well, sweet prince foosball table. The world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

[We understand that you might find it difficult to ship this to us by Wednesday, so if that’s a problem, there’s plenty of other things on our Christmas list for you to get us.]

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  • Mahousu

    This would be a perfect gift for the significant other you think you might be breaking up with soon. When you finally kick them out, heave this through your fifth-floor window, crying, “… And take your stupid foosball table with you!” Then watch in satisfaction as it shatters into a million precious, deadly pieces.There is the slight issue that it weighs 106 kg, which may inhibit heaving. But true art demands sacrifice.