Jul 1, 2019
Morning Sideboob! Beyonce In Space, Katy Perry Breaks Up With Google, and Sherlock’s Mom Is Hot
Beyoncé Loves Space Lovers, Wants The Healing to Begin by Downloading Her Album
Beyoncé is not your average superstar. She is an innovator, entrepreneur (that means fancy job creator), and loves space peoples.
Two weeks ago the singer, dancer, actor, producer, and indoor climate aficionado had “reinvented how to release an album,” and had close to 1,000,000 copies of her album, Beyoncé, downloaded in the first 48 hours after its release.
This week, however, Beyoncé the Good is under fire for using a four-second audio sample from the 1986 Challenger space shuttle disaster for one of the cuts from that album, “XO.” NASA responded to Beyoncé’s the use of the sample Tuesday.
“The Challenger accident is an important part of our history; a tragic reminder that space exploration is risky and should never be trivialized.”
Beyoncé sat down her glass of Tang and sprang into the air. “Oh no! I love those space people that gave me Velcro, and my Brita water filter!” She responded to NASA:
“My heart goes out to the families of those lost in the Challenger disaster. The song XO was recorded with the sincerest intention to help heal those who have lost loved ones.”
Even though other more snark filled sites would have you believe that Beyoncé didn’t use that sample to help heal wounds, but instead to stealthily manipulate sales for her new album, we are the nice time people. We report, and fantasize.
You have said her name out loud. That is enough for Beyoncé.
It is a sad day when a creature up and turns on its creator. God and Adam. Geppetto and Pinocchio. Kanye West and Kanye West. It is now so with Katy Perry and the Internet.
Every fledgling has to leave the nest sometime, while questioning the very foundations on which their entire life is built. Thus Katy Perry has stopped Googling herself.
“My image is just something superficial. I also try not to pay attention to what other people think of me. I used to have Google alerts set up, which would notify me about everything that was being written about me. But I’ve stopped all that now. After all; there are more important things in life.”
We believe you Katy Perry, number seven on the Billboard 200. Your publicist hopes that what you are saying isn’t true, but you can have it your way.
In related news, Google Analytics forecast that Google alerts containing the words “Katy Perry boobies” would still remain strong at year’s end.
Benedict Cumberbatch Would Like You to Meet His Smokin’ Hot Mom
Well what are you going to do? Your Mom was hot back in the old 1900s. Now you are all growed up. You are out in the grocery or the elevator and someone who remembers how hot your mom was starts telling you about the boners she used to give them when they were kids. The sickos tell you about how they fantasized about her while she hung up the clothing, or when she dropped you at the bowling alley, and even while she slapped the shit out of you for not cleaning your room.
Benedict Cumberbatch, no slouch in the looking hot department by the way, had a mom that was Brit hottie TV star Wanda Ventham, a go-go boot wearing smoldering blondy-blonde who strutted herself on Dr. Who back in the 1970s.
The Benedict has to deal with this the rest of his life.
“I’ve been trapped with men in elevators who say to me, ‘Oh… I really used to like your mum. She’s really hot’”, he told the Daily Mirror. ”I don’t know what to say. If I say, ‘No, she’s not’, that is really insulting to my mother, and if I say she is, it seems very wrong. She is smokin’, I guess.”
So ok, as you watch mom head back up to the chocolate fountain at Golden Corral, remember how everybody you knew loved to come over to your house to hang out, and you thought it was because you were so cool. Makes you wonder about who were your real friends, doesn’t it?
[All photos except Wanda Ventham by PR Photos]