Aug 12, 2021
Batman & Robin (1997) (part 6 of 13)
After a pointless flyover of Gotham, we cut to the botanical gardens, where some dancers are putting on their own pathetic version of the Lion King musical. There are dancers everywhere, with some swinging over the crowd on vines, and all in all it’s even lamer than the “Satan’s Alley” show from Staying Alive. The crowd is having a great time as an emcee takes the stage, followed closely by Batman, Robin, and Gossip Gertie. The emcee then totally disses Batman and Robin by introducing the real guest of honor, namely a big diamond hanging on a necklace. It’s carried out in a frame by Commissioner Gordon [?]. I might be wrong, but isn’t he the police commissioner? Doesn’t he have better things to do than help auction off a diamond?
Batman and Robin make some quiet asides to each other to remind the viewers just waking up that this is supposed to be a trap for Mr. Freeze. Off in a corner, two people dressed in big fur ape suits, one pink and one purple, start shoving dancers around. No one notices, because there’s currently some kind of white slavery auction going on. Well, I guess technically they’re auctioning off dates with beauty queens to raise money or something, but imagining it’s a white slavery auction makes it that much funnier.
Suddenly, everyone stops what they’re doing as some Egyptian-sounding music is piped in, while the person in the pink ape suit stands high up on a platform and gyrates. Everyone in the room just stares, completely transfixed for no apparent reason. Unless they think it’s Grape Ape. In that case it would make sense.
Eventually, the Pink Ape strips off pieces of costume, revealing Pamela Isley underneath in Hot Chick mode. So, where did the Egyptian-style music come from? Did Isley bring her own soundtrack? She removes the ape head to reveal that she’s now wearing a mask that only covers her eyebrows, which may be the weakest disguise ever thought of since Clark Kent’s glasses. She then blows into her palm, causing pink and purple dust that looks exactly like Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip to float all around the room.