Feb 12, 2020
Batman & Robin (1997) (part 4 of 13)
Back at the mad scientist lab in the jungle, we find Dr. Woodrue on the phone with the “mystery bidder”, who he addresses as “Your Supreme Ruthlessness”. (Must be Martha Stewart.) Apparently, the mystery bidder won the auction, so Woodrue promises to send out a “flawless super-soldier” by “overnight mail”. Yuk, yuk. By the way, this mystery bidder will never be seen, identified, or become important to the plot in any way. And he won’t be the only one.
Suddenly, some blue laser lights come shooting out of a hole in the ground, which is something else that happens quite often in laboratories. Eventually, a transmogrified Pamela Isley rises up out of the ground. Now that her glasses are gone and her shirt is conveniently torn to show off her belly, Uma is now in Hot Chick mode.
Woodrue sees her and cries out, “Pamela?” and then goes totally gonzo for her. Uma turns on a weird, creepy voice which is supposed to be seductive, but will instantly make any man’s skin crawl. She says, “Hello… Jason!” using exactly the same inflection as when Jerry Seinfeld used to say “Hello… Newman!” I don’t know about you, but that’s not something I find to be particularly erotic.
To the sound of a supposedly alluring sax, she explains how the “animal-plant toxins” have “replaced my blood with aloe, my skin with chlorophyll, and filled my lips…” With collagen? With Botox? She pulls Woodrue in for a kiss, and he of course is more than happy to oblige. Then she finishes her sentence: “…with venom!” Oh, great. Now you tell me. (Also, she leaves her eyes wide open during this kiss. Eww!)
Woodrue’s lips turn black and he starts choking. Isley then feels the need to further explain that “I’m poison.” Not poisonous, mind you. Poison. Woodrue keels over dead, and Isley pronounces that “It’s a jungle in here!” Why? Because she’s into plants and she really loves plant puns, of course. Why do you ask?