Batman & Robin (1997) (part 12 of 13)

by · November 12, 2002

We cut to the Gotham Observatory, now completely frozen over. Freeze “hilariously” says, “Let’s kick some ICE!” and begins manipulating what looks like a Microsoft Sidewinder joystick. He uses it to aim the telescope-cum-Giant Ice Cannon at the nearest skyscraper and blast away, freezing it solid.

He then starts to sweep the Cannon around the city and freeze everything in sight, including a train on its tracks, everyone on the street, and even an obnoxiously product-placed Taco Bell. Strangely enough, this makes the food they serve there a little warmer. For no reason, we then get a close-up shot of some guy frozen in a phone booth. A phone booth? When was the last time you saw one of these? Even the original Superman mocked the idea, and that was back in 1978.

Then we see a bulldog about to take a leak on a fire hydrant, when suddenly a blue light flashes and the dog gets literally frozen in midstream. Um, this is supposed to be funny, right? Then we see police cars speeding through the streets of Gotham, and up in the observatory, Freeze spots them approaching through his extraordinarily powerful magnifying lens which allows him to see individual cars on the street from 900 feet up.

Caption contributed by Albert

Where was Schumacher going with this?

He blasts away, freezing the police. Now, a few seconds ago, we saw the Ice Cannon literally stop a train in its tracks, but this time the cop cars continue to slide forward until they crash through a miscellaneous store front. This causes the store to instantly explode into flames [??]. Freeze is delighted by this and continues blasting away.

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Multi-Part Article: Batman & Robin (1997)

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  • in fairness, the Museum of Modern Art in NYC also has a dinosaur skeleton in it, albeit one that is “artistically” arranged.

  • The green liquid VENOM is made from Kryptonite.
    That makes about as much sense as anything in this movie. If not more.

  • Bruce can tell that Alfred is dying because he played a doctor on TV!

  • Fantasy Mission Force

    The tail end of the line is “The goggles do nothing!”, there is no ‘they’ involved, although many, many people do make that mistake…

  • Guest

    Judging by the picture, Batgirl acquired a double chin at a very early age. Not really encouragin!

  • idiot

    This recap took me way too long to read. Personally, I was wondering who exactly told Akiva Goldman about Bane, and whether Goldman thought Bane was the Hulk or something. By the way, the proposed sequel would have featured Harley Quinn (the Joker’s daughter in this version) and the Scarecrow creating a hallucination version of the Joker (Because they had to put him in there somehow, even though he was dead, and they had to find some way to destroy Jack Nicholson’s career). Yeah, be thankful it never happened.

  • Person

    I read somewhere that the one after this one was going to involve Ventriloquist and his dummy, Scarface.
    …Sorry, just thought I’d mention that.

  • John Berndt

    Although the movie sucked I don’t know why the reviewer had such a big problem with the suits. Batman and Robin haven’t used just spandax suits in a long time. Ever since the mid 80s Batvillians have been using automatic weapons not their fists. If they weren’t wearing body armor it would be hard to explain why they are still alive.

  • Eventide81

    First of all, this movie was crap, and it wasn’t until Christopher Nolan took over that the franchise was redeemed. From Tim Burton’s vision of a dark urban atmosphere it turned into Joel Schumacher’s version of a campy Las Vegas. The entire movie is lit by what I can only guess are disco balls. Personally I would have fired the lighting director. I’m sure that Michael Gough asked Schumacher to kill off his character, but he probably kept him alive so that he could continue to program the batcave security system.
    I love how he managed to make not one, but two secret costumes for Barbara without Bruce knowing. And they all had to have two so that they could sell twice as many action figures. Maybe if they stuck to one costume each, they would have had the budget to give the costumes water wings to go with the built in skates.
    I suppose it’s a good thing that they never tried to explain the “science” behind how a crystal/diamond is able to produce cold with the aid of a laser. Laser is an acronym for “Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation” and I fail to see how that can ever produce anything other than light and heat. Aside from a clear diamond resembling ice, it has no similarity to it in the way of temperature or composition.
    As far as Poison Ivy’s demise, I can only surmise that she only brought enough ipecac for one use on the fly trap.
    Incidently, if you google search “UWCARNYDLO” you literally get only one result; This recap. I have never in my life googled something and only turned up one result. That’s got to be Guinness record worthy!

  • Mooster Freebiez

    This movie is what Tv Tropes calls “So Bad It’s Good”. It’s just plain awful, but in a way that makes you laugh at how bad it is, instead of in a way that makes you physically sick.

    • I prefer “So Bad, It’s Hilarious”.  Literally the only reason I watched this more than once is to laugh at how wretched it is.

  • Samam16

    Bane DOESN’T “bearhug” Robin – he actually makes a bad attempt to choke/strangle him.

  • Marvin_Arnold

    Why Alfred would want to send a CD with detailed secret sensitive information about his employers across the globe to his brother in India (whom he hasn’t seen in decades) is anybody’s guess, I guess…

  • Yqatuba

    Anyone ever figure out what the weird keyboard is called? Ever since I first read this I have wondered also

  • Unknown

    George Clooney has actually said “This killed the franchise.” and offered to refund the ticket of anyone who saw it. Shows what he thought of it.

    • CaptainCalvinCat

      It shows, that he understood, that this movie would be bad. Yes.
      But there are far worse movies out there. Why this one killed the entire franchise, while “grim and gritty batman told by the guy from inception” is so well liked, I’ll never get. I thought, this one was far better, far more amusing – I didn’t have one moment of fun in the nolan-movies, to be honest, they were for me a pain to sit through and endure.

      • Andy

        hmm, i’m not gonna try to change your mind, but i’ll try at least to offer my own explanation.

        Batman’s heroism owes to the tragedy he suffered in his youth, when his parents were gunned down in front of him, and yada-yada. he devoted himself to crimefighting to prevent other people from suffering because of petty criminals like he did, and since crime comes in many forms, he took it upon himself to tackle them all. okay, this doesn’t sound convincing, but what i think is: it’s not that Bats SHOULD be gritty, it’s just part of his nature, because (a) he doesn’t allow himself to forget what happened at Crime Alley that night xty years ago, lest his motivations will be empty, as he’ll forget why he’s crimefighting in the first place; and (b) the very idea of dressing up as a bat is a way to impose himself to criminals by striking fear at them, and if Batman doesn’t take himself seriously, no one will (well, the Joker doesn’t take Batman seriously, but the guy’s friggin’ nuts, so that doesn’t count). and quite honestly, i don’t think flashing a Bat-Credit Card to buy a night with a supervillainess while wearing a rubber full-body costume with nipples counts as “taking oneself seriously”.

        much as i love the Christopher Nolan trilogy, my observations on Batman are purely from my point of view as a comics reader (and fan of the comics’ Batman), and this movie detracts a lot from its source material (not to mention Schumacher’s dubious aesthetic sense).

        • Assumption

          Why even bother? Haven’t you read his comment? No amusement and no fun. He probably missed the one-liners and the credit card. Or maybe some subtle Jim Carey jokes, from the third one. If that is his standard for Batman movies, no wonder the Nolan Movies isn’t entertaining for him.

    • Doink McDoink

      For the record, I called him on this at the Gala Awards last year in Palm Springs. He actually DID refund me.

  • Lunacorva

    A BAT CREDIT CARD!!!!!!! YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!!! I’LL KILL YOU!!! I’LL KILL ALL OF YOU!!!

    • Max

      Lol

  • Forgiveness

    Yeah, this detailed ragetext, here was well deserved. Ten years later, I must say that I can forgive Joel Schumacher. I got the Batman Movies I always wanted, (Yeah the Nolan ones) so it makes the campiness more endurable from my point of view. The shape of the Robin Logo appeared, after he crashed with his bike into the museum.. come on. It reminds me of Tarantino, making fun of Nazi-propaganda movies in inglorious basterds, when this shooter is carving a perfectly shaped swastika into the floor, while shooting. It is just soo over the top ridiculous.

  • Social Crime Radio

    Superman was mentioned (Sort of) in BF. He says to Robin “The Circus must be halfway to Metropolis by now.” And I think if Bats called up Superman he would respond with a “Really guys? Ice gun, big deal. I have things like Nuclear powered cyborgs and shit.

  • Campy is Cooler

    I seem to remember a scene from the 1960’s Batman where Robin use rubber lips also. Does anyone else remember that.

  • I just don’t get that “baby fat” joke about Alicia Silverstone. She’s the HOTTEST batgirl EVER. Her baby face and curvy body make her perfect fetish fuel.

  • The Barbara butt shot is actually a good thing. You see… chubby girls have beautiful chubby butts… and Alicia’s a very nice one.

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