Apr 16, 2017
Bachelor fan wins compensation from show for years of emotional abuse
[Editor’s Note: Rabid Bachelor fans may remember last fall’s Twitter contest for a free trip to Hawaii. As it turns out, contest winner Brittany Meadows has a history of mocking the show online, with love. Since that’s kind of our thing here at Happy Nice Time People, we reached out to Brittany and asked her to share her story. Take it away, Brittany…]
We all know The Bachelor is only good for a two things: Drinking games and feeling alright about bashing strangers on social media for two hours because , hey, it’s not like we’ll ever come face to face with those poor pitiful souls, right? Beside, it’s their fault for putting themselves on TV. What the hell is she wearing anyway? Is that face supposed to be sexy? And why is there always an opera singer?!
I’ve been watching this shit show since the beginning. Back then, I lived in Oklahoma and, if I’m being honest, I auditioned not once, but twice to be part of the idiocy. In my first audition, I had to stand in front of the camera while it panned up and down, then turn around and repeat. I’m shocked they didn’t ask me to strip down to see what I was really working with. In case it’s not obvious, the producers are only looking for women with smoking hot bodies and a flare for drama. When the producers asked me if I could live in a house with 25 women, I should have known better than to say, “Yes! I make friends really easily!” Wrong answer. They booted my ass out the door.
(That was Jesse Palmer’s season. I’m pretty sure he’s still single. The second time I got rejected, the producers ended up picking not one but two old-ass men to be compete on air to be the titular Bachelor. The winner, Byron I believe, got in several domestic disputes with the woman he chose. So, yeah. Bullet dodged, literally and figuratively.)
Year after year, bachelor after bachelor, my friends have made fun of me for watching this show. But like any good obsessive rejected ex, I never let go. Every week I’d gather my closest girlfriends together to drink wine, watch, and talk trash about all the skanks that bastard show picked instead of me.
Eventually, I abandoned Oklahoma and moved east for (drum roll, please) a man! But a good man at that! When the next season of The Bachelor premiered, this amazing man bought wine and made me dinner since I didn’t have my girls to watch it with. My own little watch party for two. Swoon. Talk about a first impression rose! We are now married and have the cutest little nugget that ever walked the face of the Earth. So do I still watch?? Of course!
Then, last fall, it all paid off. The Bachelor gave me something better than the final rose…a three-night stay with my hubby at a 4-star hotel in Maui.
I had just started following Bachelor host Chris Harrison on Twitter when he announced a photo contest. It was simple: tweet a picture of your “view” and why The Bachelor should give you a better one—specifically, the one from a balcony at the Andaz Maui at Wailea Resort. Keep in mind you only have 140 characters to plead your case.
After looking at the other entries, I found the following: lots of photos of long grass (sorry you are too lazy to mow) and cubicles (your hot pink Post-Its aren’t very convincing, honey).
Seeing the competition, I thought I had a pretty good shot. Our basement had recently flooded, so I opted for the pity vote with a montage of flooded basement pictures and ruined items. My tweet read “Flooded Basement. Lost memories and pictures. Need to make and take new ones.”
The winner was to be announced at seven o’clock on a Friday night. Of course it had be a Friday night. What better time to be sitting at home, by myself, glued to my computer, waiting on the show that had rejected me twice.
Refresh, refresh, refresh, refresh, BAM! Twitter notification — I won! I literally starting jumping up and down in my living room, only really quietly because my daughter was already asleep. Two minutes later, the hotel contacted me for my information. Our voucher arrived the following week. It was valid for a year, but we booked immediately. Let me tell you, Maui in January is gorgeous!
Moral of the story, kids: just because you think a TV show is as lousy as the sex in the fantasy suites, doesn’t mean it won’t pay off to watch.
For reality show snark and lots of photos of some baby you don’t even know, follow Brittany on Twitter.