Patrons get an ad-free experience and full access to our archives. Support the Agony Booth for as little as $1/month!
FOX is cutting Minority Report's freshman season short, but the recaps round on for now. This week, Dash gets laid, thanks to a totally botched vision. See, sometimes it's a good thing to suck at your job.
“And this is what this movie has finally degenerated to: jokes on the level of someone yelling ‘ching chong, ching chong’ to imitate Chinese people.”
“The woman from Central insists, ‘this is not Precrime!’ It’s just... preventing crimes before they happen. Completely different.”
Ever been kind of a dick to your wife? Congratulations, you're not on a police watchlist for future crimes. Also the Constitution no longer applies to you. But on the plus side, Dash is officially working with the police depatrment once again.
“Thanks a lot, Skidoo. One day, I’m going to flash back to this scene, something in my brain will snap, and I’ll kill a busload of kids.”
“So for those keeping track, he’s cool with Vega falsifying a police report about a double homicide, but peeking at personal data is a bridge too far.”
MInority Report attempts to seduce its audience by insulting it. Think Dash and the precogs can foresee the demise of their own show yet?
“Caine’s just surfing the deferential equation slopes, broham!”
“This show’s premise is a bit like doing a TV sequel to Flowers for Algernon where Charlie is played by a sexy 30-something male model-type who uses his newly heightened IQ to solve crimes.”
A pretty okay Tom Cruise movie turns out to be a pretty okay TV show, if the pilot is anything to judge by. But seriously, killer pigeons? Ouch. Let the recapping begin!
“Remember when they performed their show at the Chez Casablanca and all the tourists loved it? We were all so much younger then.”
“I know so much about this movie, it’s painful.”
“Was this dialogue written by humans?”
“It’s amazing how the hippies in this movie make being a ‘square’ seem like a hell of a lot more fun.”
“While it may not be based on an existing property, there’s nothing the slightest bit ‘original’ about this movie’s plot.”
“I got a feeling something went really wrong, and Ishtar got made.”
“I bet Jackie Gleason wished the real God had summoned him before he could make this movie.”
“Holy crap, $50 million and Coke couldn’t even get their own product plugged in this movie? No wonder they sold off the studio.”
“At less than a minute in, this movie’s plot has ground to a halt, which is quite an accomplishment, considering it has no plot.”
“I can’t tell what’s funnier here, the random violence against women, or Lyle being a gay basher. Either way: comedy gold!”