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Look, up at the TV! It's some chick who thinks she's superman. The series premiere of Supergirl has arrived.
“Are there people who were convinced up until this moment that bees are questioning, doubtful liars?”
“Well, this is it. This is the final episode of Minority Report... that I’ll be recapping until I move on to another show.”
It's Vega's birthday, and Dash gets a vision of her murder... except he doesn't, and nothing in the vision could have happened if he didn't have the vision in the first place, and why'd she put the watch in her own murder museum in the first place, and none of this crap make sense, but enjoy it anyway.
“Is this a watch that warns him about a future murder or a watch that warns him about a future case of the squirts? Because let’s face it, both of those would be equally useful.”
FOX is cutting Minority Report's freshman season short, but the recaps round on for now. This week, Dash gets laid, thanks to a totally botched vision. See, sometimes it's a good thing to suck at your job.
“And this is what this movie has finally degenerated to: jokes on the level of someone yelling ‘ching chong, ching chong’ to imitate Chinese people.”
“The woman from Central insists, ‘this is not Precrime!’ It’s just... preventing crimes before they happen. Completely different.”
Ever been kind of a dick to your wife? Congratulations, you're not on a police watchlist for future crimes. Also the Constitution no longer applies to you. But on the plus side, Dash is officially working with the police depatrment once again.
“Thanks a lot, Skidoo. One day, I’m going to flash back to this scene, something in my brain will snap, and I’ll kill a busload of kids.”
“So for those keeping track, he’s cool with Vega falsifying a police report about a double homicide, but peeking at personal data is a bridge too far.”
MInority Report attempts to seduce its audience by insulting it. Think Dash and the precogs can foresee the demise of their own show yet?
“Caine’s just surfing the deferential equation slopes, broham!”
“This show’s premise is a bit like doing a TV sequel to Flowers for Algernon where Charlie is played by a sexy 30-something male model-type who uses his newly heightened IQ to solve crimes.”
A pretty okay Tom Cruise movie turns out to be a pretty okay TV show, if the pilot is anything to judge by. But seriously, killer pigeons? Ouch. Let the recapping begin!
“Remember when they performed their show at the Chez Casablanca and all the tourists loved it? We were all so much younger then.”
“I know so much about this movie, it’s painful.”
“Was this dialogue written by humans?”
“It’s amazing how the hippies in this movie make being a ‘square’ seem like a hell of a lot more fun.”
“While it may not be based on an existing property, there’s nothing the slightest bit ‘original’ about this movie’s plot.”