Welcome back to Movie Duels, in which we watch two dueling movies and offer our eminently qualified opinion of which film, if any, has a reason for existing, and which one should have been left back at the pitch …
Well, we got through Suicide Squad. If you just started reading this recap here, I’ll let Superman sum the movie up for you:
But despite Suicide Squad’s banal ugliness, its addled editing, its incoherent characterizations, its risible villain, and its…
A while ago on Suicide Squad: The most useful member of the team found his cojones, only to sacrifice them (and everything else) to kill Enchantress’s brother “Chester”, whose real name I never heard even once. But Enchantress’s machine…
Antecedently on Suicide Squad: The chips are down for our plucky band of felons. Waller’s been kidnapped and mind-probed. Joker’s escape attempt went awry; he got in a helicopter crash *snicker* and he’s *snort* totally…
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Heretofore on Suicide Squad: Our titular Squad began their first big assignment: to travel to Gotham Central Star National Fawcett Coast Keystone Gorilla Midway City and rescue an unidentified person from a brother/sister duo of omnipotent wizards who are wrecking…
Erstwhile on Suicide Squad: Amanda Waller’s cunning plan to engineer a romance between an ultra-powerful witch and the single person guarding her somehow ran into problems. Enchantress slipped her leash and went rogue, releasing her brother from his Pier…
Precedingly on Suicide Squad: Waller’s getting the band together. Harley Quinn’s pimp is coming to her rescue. Enchantress is off the leash and up to no good.
Enchantress teleports by wrapping her cloud of bodily funk around her. Her…
Previously on Suicide Squad: Government stooge (and three-time Detective Wyms Cosplay Contest runner-up) Amanda Waller wanted to protect America from a hypothetical terrorist threat by a Superman-type figure. To that end, she assembled a team of lame-o supervillains with…
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Last time on Suicide Squad: The Wall got an idea.
An awful idea.
The Wall got a wonderful, awful idea.
She’s smiling because, with Superman dead, it’s the perfect time to pitch this wonderful, awful idea to her fellow…
The DC Expanded Universe: four cursed words if ever there were any.
The twelve hours that comprise the DCEU represent such a pathetically inept wall-to-wall pooch-screw that dunking on the franchise at this point seems almost mean, like laughing at…
It was a golden moment when Lucasfilm and Disney announced their intention to make a series of standalone Star Wars movies in addition to the sequel trilogy. For the first time in history, the Star Wars franchise wasn’t penned in…
You might get invited to a St. Patrick’s Day party this weekend. You may come decked out in that greenish shirt from the bottom of your drawer. You may eat your fill of the finest Irish dishes, like “various root…
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Welcome back to Movie Duels, in which we watch two dueling movies and offer our eminently qualified opinion of which film, if any, has a reason for existing, and which one should have been left back at the pitch …
If you missed part one of this article, I’m not responsible for what ensues.
8. Ultron (James Spader), Avengers: Age of Ultron
To protect Earth from aliens, Tony Stark creates a hyperintelligent AI with the exact personality of a sarcastic…
Hey there! You like the Marvel Comics movies? You do?! Awesome! I do too!
You like the colorful, inspiring heroes? Me too!
You like the frenetic action choreography? Me too!
You like the seat-rattling CGI spectacle? Me too!
You like…
Dear Mr. Eastwood:
I saw the trailer for your new movie coming out in 2018, The 15:17 to Paris, and it’s… well…
Okay, there’s a lot to unpack here. I could go on at article length about the trailer alone.…
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Welcome back to Movie Duels, in which we watch two dueling movies and offer our eminently qualified opinion of which film, if any, has a reason for existing, and which one should have been left back at the pitch …
The recent news about Louis CK sexually intimidating five women (at least) hit me in a sensitive spot. I’ve been a huge Louis CK fan ever since seeing his stand-up special Chewed Up almost a decade ago. I’ve seen all…
Last time on Hex Mix: A mortally wounded Jonah Hex somehow rode his horse two-thirds of the distance across the United States and somehow found his friendly neighborhood Native Americans, who somehow cured him of his bad case of…
Previously on Hex, Vexed by Rednecks, Bisects Necks: Turnbull has built a gun big enough to shoot the whole country in the face. Hex resurrected Turnbull’s son—dead at Hex’s hands—to ask where Turnbull was so he could kill him …
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