Author: Tyler Peterson

· by Tyler Peterson · Sep 17, 2018

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Luc Besson is not a man who inspires a lot of moderate opinions. He is not a moderate man. He’s been referred to as the most American French filmmaker, a title he earned through a characteristically French kind of pigheadedness.…

Movie Review / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Sep 6, 2018

Ready Player One (2018)

When Ready Player One came out back in April, I went on a bit of a rant in that month’s box office predictions about how much I hated the novel. I admit this might make me a less than ideal…

Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Aug 23, 2018

Movie Duel: The Thirteenth Floor vs. eXistenZ

Welcome back to Movie Duels, in which we watch two dueling movies and offer our eminently qualified opinion of which film, if any, has a reason for existing, and which one should have been left back at the pitch …

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jul 30, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 9 of 9)

Well, we got through Suicide Squad. If you just started reading this recap here, I’ll let Superman sum the movie up for you: But despite Suicide Squad’s banal ugliness, its addled editing, its incoherent characterizations, its risible villain, and its…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jul 16, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 8 of 9)

A while ago on Suicide Squad: The most useful member of the team found his cojones, only to sacrifice them (and everything else) to kill Enchantress’s brother “Chester”, whose real name I never heard even once. But Enchantress’s machine…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jul 9, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 7 of 9)

Antecedently on Suicide Squad: The chips are down for our plucky band of felons. Waller’s been kidnapped and mind-probed. Joker’s escape attempt went awry; he got in a helicopter crash *snicker* and he’s *snort* totally…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jul 3, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 6 of 9)

Heretofore on Suicide Squad: Our titular Squad began their first big assignment: to travel to Gotham Central Star National Fawcett Coast Keystone Gorilla Midway City and rescue an unidentified person from a brother/sister duo of omnipotent wizards who are wrecking…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jun 25, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 5 of 9)

Erstwhile on Suicide Squad: Amanda Waller’s cunning plan to engineer a romance between an ultra-powerful witch and the single person guarding her somehow ran into problems. Enchantress slipped her leash and went rogue, releasing her brother from his Pier…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jun 18, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 4 of 9)

Precedingly on Suicide Squad: Waller’s getting the band together. Harley Quinn’s pimp is coming to her rescue. Enchantress is off the leash and up to no good. Enchantress teleports by wrapping her cloud of bodily funk around her. Her…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jun 11, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 3 of 9)

Previously on Suicide Squad: Government stooge (and three-time Detective Wyms Cosplay Contest runner-up) Amanda Waller wanted to protect America from a hypothetical terrorist threat by a Superman-type figure. To that end, she assembled a team of lame-o supervillains with…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jun 4, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 2 of 9)

Last time on Suicide Squad: The Wall got an idea. An awful idea. The Wall got a wonderful, awful idea. She’s smiling because, with Superman dead, it’s the perfect time to pitch this wonderful, awful idea to her fellow…

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · May 29, 2018

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 1 of 9)

The DC Expanded Universe: four cursed words if ever there were any. The twelve hours that comprise the DCEU represent such a pathetically inept wall-to-wall pooch-screw that dunking on the franchise at this point seems almost mean, like laughing at…

Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · May 7, 2018

7 ideas for the next A Star Wars Story

It was a golden moment when Lucasfilm and Disney announced their intention to make a series of standalone Star Wars movies in addition to the sequel trilogy. For the first time in history, the Star Wars franchise wasn’t penned in…

Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Mar 16, 2018

4 reasons why The Boondock Saints has aged very badly

You might get invited to a St. Patrick’s Day party this weekend. You may come decked out in that greenish shirt from the bottom of your drawer. You may eat your fill of the finest Irish dishes, like “various root…

Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Feb 27, 2018

Movie Duel: Street Fighter vs. Mortal Kombat

Welcome back to Movie Duels, in which we watch two dueling movies and offer our eminently qualified opinion of which film, if any, has a reason for existing, and which one should have been left back at the pitch …

Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Feb 14, 2018

All MCU villains, ranked from worst to least worst (part 2 of 2)

If you missed part one of this article, I’m not responsible for what ensues. 8. Ultron (James Spader), Avengers: Age of Ultron To protect Earth from aliens, Tony Stark creates a hyperintelligent AI with the exact personality of a sarcastic…

Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Feb 8, 2018

All MCU villains, ranked from worst to least worst (part 1 of 2)

Hey there! You like the Marvel Comics movies? You do?! Awesome! I do too! You like the colorful, inspiring heroes? Me too! You like the frenetic action choreography? Me too! You like the seat-rattling CGI spectacle? Me too! You like…

Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Jan 2, 2018

Dear Clint Eastwood: Please retire

Dear Mr. Eastwood: I saw the trailer for your new movie coming out in 2018, The 15:17 to Paris, and it’s… well… Okay, there’s a lot to unpack here. I could go on at article length about the trailer alone.…

Movie Review / Movies / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Dec 19, 2017

Movie Duel: K-9 vs. Turner & Hooch

Agonizer / Text

· by Tyler Peterson · Nov 27, 2017

Louis CK's behavior makes a lot more sense in retrospect

The recent news about Louis CK sexually intimidating five women (at least) hit me in a sensitive spot. I’ve been a huge Louis CK fan ever since seeing his stand-up special Chewed Up almost a decade ago. I’ve seen all…

Author: Tyler Peterson

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Ready Player One (2018)

Movie Duel: The Thirteenth Floor vs. eXistenZ

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 9 of 9)

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 8 of 9)

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 7 of 9)

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 6 of 9)

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 5 of 9)

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 4 of 9)

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 3 of 9)

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 2 of 9)

Suicide Squad (2016): a recap (part 1 of 9)

7 ideas for the next A Star Wars Story

4 reasons why The Boondock Saints has aged very badly

Movie Duel: Street Fighter vs. Mortal Kombat

All MCU villains, ranked from worst to least worst (part 2 of 2)

All MCU villains, ranked from worst to least worst (part 1 of 2)

Dear Clint Eastwood: Please retire

Movie Duel: K-9 vs. Turner & Hooch

Louis CK's behavior makes a lot more sense in retrospect

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