Author: Suzie McGinney

VIDEO: Australia (2008)

In Baz Luhrmann's Pearl Harbor, Nicole Kidman is a British aristocrat who inherits a cattle ranch in pre-World War II Australia, and Hugh Jackman is the rancher who helps her drive her cattle across the outback. Spoiler alert: They fall in love. Also, they adopt a half-white/half-Aboriginal boy who can do magic, apparently, and arrive just in time to be caught in a Japanese sneak attack.

VIDEO: Minority Report (2002)

In Steven Spielberg's overlong, needlessly complicated adaption of a Philip K. Dick short story, the Couch Jumper (AKA Tom Cruise) plays a "precrime" detective who stops murders before they happen with the help of blind, androgynous "precogs" who can see the future.

VIDEO: The Fifth Element (1997)

A force subtly known as the Great Evil threatens the earth, so it's up to 23rd century cab driver Bruce Willis to bring together four element stones and Milla Jovovich (as the titular Fifth Element) to unleash a Divine Light to stop the Evil. Will they succeed, or be defeated by Gary Oldman's awful (southern?) accent?

VIDEO: Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Essentially a 100-minute forced meme, the movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as an FBI agent protecting a key witness on a flight to L.A. to testify against the mob. To rub the guy out, the bad guys release dozens of angry snakes on his plane, which is surely the dumbest airplane-related scheme to take out a witness since Airport '79.