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Author: Susan Velazquez

· by Susan Velazquez · Oct 27, 2016

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend's guide to surviving the Friday Night Death Slot

It's a strange move considering that Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is critically acclaimed, won what is only the network's second Golden Globe, has quirky musical numbers that go viral, and features Rachel Bloom's rack on a regular basis.

Text / TV / TV Recap

· by Susan Velazquez · Oct 25, 2016

Jane the Virgin: Post Traumatic Telenovela Disorder

Xiomara crashes at Rogelio's, and in exchange for room and board, helps with his accent. It is sounding more American. Unfortunately, the American it sounds like is Matthew McConaughey, and this country doesn't need another one of those.

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· by Susan Velazquez · Oct 21, 2016

How to Get Away with Murder: '16 Bonnie and Clyde

Previously on How to Get Away With Murder: Annalise is claiming (Well, should I saying “claiming” when it’s technically the truth?) to be an alcoholic as a last ditch effort to keep her university...

Text / TV / TV Recap

· by Susan Velazquez · Oct 20, 2016

Let's Do the Time Warp Again! A liveblog of FOX's Rocky Horror Picture Show

And now, because TV executives like to exploit anything that people enjoyed in the past for some cash, FOX is turning The Rocky Horror Picture Show into a two-hour television special.

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· by Susan Velazquez · Oct 19, 2016

Scream Queens: Chanel's Blue (Da Ba Dee Da Ba Die)

Welcome to Ryan Murphy's Scream Queens, where awkwardly shoehorned pop culture references are considered clever writing.

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· by Susan Velazquez · Oct 18, 2016

Jane the Virgin: So much for a happy ending

Previously on Jane the Virgin: Jane and Michael got married! And we were about to lose “the Virgin” in the title, but then Michael got shot! Why did he get shot? He realized that his perky police partner Susanna…

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· by Susan Velazquez · Oct 14, 2016

How to Get Away with Murder: Blame it on the alcohol (no, seriously)

Previously on How to Get Away with Murder: University President Maria LaGuerta is unhappy Annalise got some good PR out of her Perv Client, becaue the university was ready to fire her over the...

Text / TV / TV Recap

· by Susan Velazquez · Oct 13, 2016

Scream Queens: OBVIOUS REDRUM SEULC

I think I've figured out why I have such a sweet spot for Chanel #5. No, it's not because I enjoy the cheap vagina dentata jokes. Although, to be fair, who would have predicted that such an outlandish throwaway line would become a recurring joke?

Text / TV / TV Recap

· by Susan Velazquez · Oct 9, 2016

How to Get Away with Murder: A slap in the face to justice

Previously on How to Get Away with Murder: The university, upset by the bad publicity caused by the “Killer” Poster Culprit, attempted to fire Annalise. Pro-tip: you cannot fire Annalise. Annalise will get that 401k and that gold watch…

Text / TV / TV Recap

· by Susan Velazquez · Sep 30, 2016

How to Get Away With Murder: Breaking up is hard to do

Previously on How to Get Away with Murder: Annalise opened up a pro-bono legal clinic because the university wants to keep her from teaching. You know, considering how badly she screwed up this year’s crop of America’s Next Top…

Agonizer / Text

· by Susan Velazquez · Sep 30, 2016

How to avoid Brangelina drama (the Courteney Cox way)

Our celebrity gossip team at Agony Booth has uncovered leaked emails between Courteney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, and Jen's new boytoy Justin Theroux on how to handle the spillover Brangelina media attention.

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· by Susan Velazquez · Sep 28, 2016

Scream Queens: Murder is only skin deep

Welcome to Ryan Murphy's Scream Queens, where killers get away with murder and not in a fun, twisty How to Get Away with Murder kind of way, but because everyone is so stupid and willfully obtuse that it makes you wonder how there's not a Purge-type scenario happening 24/7.

Text / TV / TV Recap

· by Susan Velazquez · Sep 26, 2016

How to Get Away with Murder: How I spent my summer vacation

RIP Frank's Beard. Services will be held at the truck stop bathroom where the beard clippings now lay. In lieu of flowers, please bring a broom and dustpan.

Text / TV / TV Recap

· by Susan Velazquez · Sep 23, 2016

Scream Queens: The doctors are in (unfortunately)

Welcome to Ryan Murphy's Scream Queens, where everything is extremely implausible in hopes of passing it off as comedy. It's the annual Halloween party at Our Lady of Perpetual Suffering hospital in the year of 1985...

Movie Review / Movies / Text

· by Susan Velazquez · Aug 9, 2016

Suicide Squad (2016): A flawed but fun end-of-summer blockbuster

Maybe I'm being too generous, but I think in light of the context that Suicide Squad was made in, it did the best it could with what it had, but really, it was capable of so much more.

Series Review / Text / TV

· by Susan Velazquez · Aug 1, 2016

Binge or no? Netflix’s Stranger Things

On July 15, Netflix released Stranger Things, a supernatural/science-fiction/horror series set in a small town in 1980s Indiana that has, for a lack of a better term, a lot of weird shit going down. What, did you expect me to say "stranger things"?

Movie Review / Movies / Text

· by Susan Velazquez · Jul 22, 2016

Adventures in Babysitting (1987) vs. the 2016 Disney Channel remake

“I’m not sure if the network executives understood the irony of making their 100th ‘original’ TV movie a remake of a largely successful film, but I guess since kids today have never heard of Elisabeth Shue or even know anything about the 1980s, it counts as an ‘original’ idea.”

Text / TV

· by Susan Velazquez · Jun 29, 2016

Orange is the New Black: Why a beloved character didn’t have to die (and why she did)

NOTE: This article will discuss major spoilers from Season 4 of "Orange Is the New Black". Like, seriously major. If you haven't finished bingeing this season, please remove yourself from the rock you've been living under and find the nearest Netflix account...

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Susan Velazquez · Jun 16, 2016

Top Gun (1986): a recap (part 3 of 3)

“Maverick then rejoins the battle and helps Iceman take out the remaining enemy planes, as totally happened all the time during the Cold War. AMERICA, YEAHHHHH!”

Movie Recap / Movies / Text

· by Susan Velazquez · Jun 8, 2016

Top Gun (1986): a recap (part 2 of 3)

The 30th anniversary recap continues as we try to find out if Top Gun is still on top after all these years.

Author: Susan Velazquez

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend's guide to surviving the Friday Night Death Slot

Jane the Virgin: Post Traumatic Telenovela Disorder

How to Get Away with Murder: '16 Bonnie and Clyde

Let's Do the Time Warp Again! A liveblog of FOX's Rocky Horror Picture Show

Scream Queens: Chanel's Blue (Da Ba Dee Da Ba Die)

Jane the Virgin: So much for a happy ending

How to Get Away with Murder: Blame it on the alcohol (no, seriously)

Scream Queens: OBVIOUS REDRUM SEULC

How to Get Away with Murder: A slap in the face to justice

How to Get Away With Murder: Breaking up is hard to do

How to avoid Brangelina drama (the Courteney Cox way)

Scream Queens: Murder is only skin deep

How to Get Away with Murder: How I spent my summer vacation

Scream Queens: The doctors are in (unfortunately)

Suicide Squad (2016): A flawed but fun end-of-summer blockbuster

Binge or no? Netflix’s Stranger Things

Adventures in Babysitting (1987) vs. the 2016 Disney Channel remake

Orange is the New Black: Why a beloved character didn’t have to die (and why she did)

Top Gun (1986): a recap (part 3 of 3)

Top Gun (1986): a recap (part 2 of 3)

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