Author: Susan Velazquez

Powerless: Wayners and Losers

A visitor approaches Emily’s desk and asks her to validate his parking. She tries to explain that she’s the senior vice-president of research and development and thus above petty administrative tasks like that, despite the fact that she has a…

Riverdale: Baby on Board

Hello, everyone! Welcome back to Riverdale, where there’s only one high school and one restaurant but there’s an Uber service that will take you to teen nightclubs. As much as I like ragging on Riverdale and its strange economy, I…

Powerless: No means no!

It’s cold season in Charm City! No, it’s not the season where everyone passes viral infections to each other. It’s when all the ice-theme superheroes–Mr. Freeze, Killer Frost, Captain Cold, etc–come to town and ruin the weather. Emily insists that…

Riverdale: Daddy Lessons

I can’t even make fun of this week’s pretentious narration because we opened with a dream sequence where all the Riverdale characters are dressed like their retro counterparts. Jughead is even wearing his crown hat! But like all dream sequences,…

Riverdale: Who's a rock star? I am!

Jughead tells us that fear is the most basic human emotion. You know what’s basic? These stupid narrations. Part of what keeps me from taking this show seriously is Jughead’s wannabe Truman Capote narrations. He doesn’t even have a good…

Riverdale: Four Subplots and a Funeral

I almost entitled this recap “Funeral Flowers in the Attic” because we got heavy really heavy on the Blossom family and their campy, possibly incestuous ways. They live in a Gothic mansion called “Thornhill” and the Blossom women appear to…

Powerless: Sink or swim

At Wayne Security, the team gathers to watch a news report about Atlantis being attacked, days before the annual holiday Sinking Day. Atlantis is the home of the superhero Aquaman but in the Powerless universe, it’s also the where William…

Riverdale: Cool motive, still illegal

Jughead is upset that the local drive-in, where he works part-time, is closing. Jughead’s narration tries to justify that the drive in theater is needed now more than ever due to the negative atmosphere created by Jason Blossom’s death. Jughead,…

Powerless: #Girlboss or #BFF?

One thing I do like about the world of “Powerless” is that every Charm City resident seems over super villain hijinks. The Joker rigs two evacuating ferries with explosives and Gotham loses their minds. General Zod and Superman [edited

Riverdale: #JusticeForEthel

Jughead’s dumb narrations get dumber with every episode. This week, he spouts off a grocery list of opposites. Good versus evil, light versus dark, etc. Wow. So deep. Much pretentious. Anyway, Cheryl admits that she lied in her original statement.…

Powerless: A not-so-powerful pilot

Wow, it’s only the pilot episode, and DC Comics has already fucked up my New Year’s resolution for them. This version of Powerless is way different from the trailer that premiered at the San Diego Comic Con. The previous pilot’s…

Riverdale: Archie's Weird Mystery

Archie Comics are heading to TV with a CW teen drama/mystery which is like Pretty Little Liars meets Twin Peaks, minus the weird, supernatural stuff. So this is just Pretty Little Liars on the CW with Archie characters. There’s already…