This week on Game of Thrones, the series’ war on weddings with poor Sansa Stark the latest victim. Also, Arya gets a promotion, Margaery gets a demotion, Bronn and Jamie play dress-up, and Tyrion and Jorah make some new friends with benefits, but, perhaps, not the kind of benefits they were hoping for.
This week on Game of Thrones, Dany feeds her dragon kids a gourmet lunch. Greyworm lives to be ball-less another day. Jon Snow grows a pair. Sansa comes to terms with just how badly her life sucks. Tyrion grudgingly acknowledges the perks of being held hostage.
This week on Once Upon a Time’s dramatic two-part season finale, the Author proved himself to be the crappiest alt-world fanfiction writer ever. Snow White got a new, even worse haircut. (Yes, it is possible!) A few people died, then un-died. A long-awaited “I love you” was exchanged. Old Dirty Homeless-Looking Mickey remained Old Dirty and Homeless-Looking, then died and stayed dead. And Storybrooke got both a new Author and a brand new Lord Assholes.
GAME OF THRONES: Population Control
Just in time for Mother’s Day, Once has gone and delivered us an hour filled with mother/daughter reunions, mother/daughter reconciliations, mother/daughter bonding sessions, and a fire-breathing dragon who burns people’s faces off . . . You know, the usual . . .
This week’s Game of Thrones features Arya doing a little housekeeping, Sansa getting engaged again, Tommen getting a whole lot of nookie, Jon Snow getting a little head, Margaery beating Cersei in a verbal smackdown, and a High Septon being quite literally beaten by his religion.
This week on Once, Swan Queen road trips, car chases, kids who change nationalities when they become adults, a heart that gets tossed around like a hot potato, and a baby conceived under the creepiest circumstances ever.
Let’s see how some of our favorite TV characters would fare on the world’s most ridiculous, guilty pleasure, summer reality game show . . . shall we?
GAME OF THRONES: How to Lose Friends and Alienate Mereeneese
ONCE UPON A TIME: Psycho Killer, Qu’est-ce Woof?
GAME OF THRONES: It's My Dwarf in a Box
ONCE UPON A TIME: Maid Marion Gets a Makeover
ONCE UPON A TIME: Writing Wrongs
ONCE UPON A TIME: Things That Make You Go "Ahhhh, Ahhh!"
ONCE UPON A TIME: Extreme Makeover
ONCE UPON A TIME: The Kids Are Not All Right
ONCE UPON A TIME: The Bad Girls Club
GALAVANT RECAP: And They All Lived Crappily Ever After (S1:E7-8)
GALAVANT RECAP: Xanax Makes Everything Better (S1:E5-6)
GALAVANT RECAP: So Many Balls, So Little Time (S1:E3-4)