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This week on Once, the Storybrooke gang spend two minutes pondering how to deal with the town’s Massive Asshole Infestation Problem, and decide to roll over and die instead. Then, Emma and Hook engage in some kinky sword foreplay. Finally, everybody gets on a Big Ole Boat to Hell.
This week on Once, everybody got to reminisce about that time when Emma turned Hook into a GIANT ASSHOLE, and then made everyone stare into a dreamcatcher, until they forgot that she did it. Also this week, Hook acts like a GIANT ASSHOLE, but at least he looks really hot doing it.]
During Once’s second (less important) hour, Storybrooke’s junior varsity team of characters (Merida, Mulan, Red, Arthur and Zelena) compete against one another to see who will be the first to find an ugly hat. Then, someone finds the hat, but decides not to wear it because of “morals and stuff.”
This week on Once’s first episode, assholes were fruitful and multiplied. Specifically, Asshole Zelena had a baby. Asshole Emma learned the hard way that the quickest way to a man’s heart may not necessarily be injecting him with a heaping helping of asshole. Also, King Arthur remains The Worst.
Want to enjoy all the benefits of good booze and an awesome night of bar-hopping without the inevitable hangover and humiliation that comes from poor life choices made? HNTP is here to help! We review seven of television's most notorious watering holes and help you to decide whether they are worth your hard-earned happy hour dollars.
This week on Once, we get to meet sexy Merlin's crazy ex girlfriend, Emma finds a spark in the most PG-13 of places, Zelena makes morons out of the entire cast for the millionth time, Arthur continues to suck royally, and all the Biggest Assholes on the Planet get together and throw a kickass rager in Emma's basement.
Netflix is bringing Gilmore Girls back from the dead to devour your brain and your free time! HNTP is here to catch you up on everything you need to know if you missed the series' original run.
You know what's hard? Being a hero on a Show About Heroes. Why? Because every time you try to do something heroic, there are always at least ten other people lining up to do it first.
This week, Merlin is bringing sexy back, Regina can cry me a river, Henry just wants to rock your body, and Emma tries to take back the night.
This week on Once, poorly kept secrets are revealed! King Arthur's wife just might be having an affair! Henry ain't exactly a lady killer! And air pollution has harmful effects on your health!
This week on Once, King Arthur and Prince Charming take a shroom-inspired trip together. Emma’s fast food-flavored seduction of Hook fails miserably. And King Arthur ends up being just as big of a douchebag as we all instantly suspected him of being.
In this week's Once Upon a Time recap, Robin Hood stands around uselessly until he finally gets stabbed and then lies around dying uselessly. Meanwhile, the sword Excalibur comes to Storybrooke to tempt Emma to up her asshole factor another 10x.
Welcome to "Failing the Test of Time," a new regular feature at HNTP where we relive a particularly awful episode of a classic TV show! First up, Saved By the Bell.
Welcome to Camelot! Season 5 of "Once Upon a Time" takes us to the land of King Arthur and introduces Emma as the new evilest person in the world.
Nickelodeon launches a whole new network called The Splat to cash in on your fond memories of being too young to realize how crappy its TV shows were.
Move over, Donald! There's someone even louder, brasher, and more obnoxious making a play for the White House!
In which the afterthought cancellation of Hindsight makes me question my entire relationship with VH-1.
Will Flight of the Conchords soar once again... right into a theater near you? Here's why you should hope the answer is yes!
Lifetime is at it again... spending almost two weeks and $20 making an original "unauthorized" movie about a family sitcom you care about only if you were born in 1984. Is it so bad it's good? Oh hell no. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the recap.
Kermit and Miss Piggy are helping children everywhere learn that love is a sham that eventually crumbles into dust and leaves you a bitter, miserable shell of a puppet.