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The war on magic starts today, folks! Until we decide that we actually like magic. Then, the war on magic ends. And we start a war against something else . . . people with multiple personality disorder, I think. Also, vanilla ice pops. We hate vanilla ice pops!
This week, we bid farewell to the most adorable of Shaggydog(s) and the most odious of Olliepops. Also, Jon Snow has a small dong. Dany meets a Dothraki Regina George. And Bran realizes that playing Back to the Future could have Butterfly Effect consequences Ashton Kutcher never dreamed of!
You get a Dead Boyfriend! And you get a Dead Boyfriend! And you get a Dead Boyfriend! This week, the writers of Once celebrate Mother's Day, by murdering a handful of the show's menfolk. Because, in Storybrook, girls run the world, and boys are just there to look pretty.
This week on Game of Thrones, Jon Snow LIVES! Roose Bolton DIES! Tyrion doesn’t get eaten by dragons. And Hodor expands his vocabulary, sort of. One of the benefits of posting a late recap, is I can spoil big plot points right off the bat, and only feel mildly guilty about doing it.
This week on Once, all the disjointed plot points line up in just the right way for everybody to conveniently get out of the Underworld . . . well, everybody except the guy they went in to get in the first place. Also, we learn the true inspiration behind Emma’s fashion choices.
GOT's sixth season premiere offered a little something for everyone: long awaited reunions, kick ass females, gory murder sequences, quotable one-liners, adorable dire wolfs, more grist for the Jon Snow dead or alive speculation mill, and naked old people. Because some folks are just really into naked old people.
This week’s installment of Once is all about The FAM: sisters, daughters, mothers, fathers, sons, evil twin brothers we accidentally turn into sperm. There’s enough complicated familial exchanges in this hour to fill up an entire year of therapy sessions. And you thought YOUR PARENTS SCREWED YOU UP FOR LIFE?
Because when you are really hot, look good in red, and occasionally turn into a murderous wolf, finding True Love only takes an hour tops (actually more like 45 minutes, and a few commercial breaks).
This week on Once, we get to watch the man who died after being turned into a rose, kick the bucket a second time, when he gets turned into a giant sperm. It’s actually kind of romantic, in a weird way.
Who knew the Lord of the Underworld was just another dumb schmuck looking for love in all the wrong places?
Take a break from biting the heads off chocolate Easter bunnies to come on a high seas journey, where the water is always choppy, everyone smells like mildew, and no one knows how to steer. But hey, we’ve got brothers with dorky hats and Irish accents. Totally worth the seasickness / possible death by drowning, right?
This week on Once: a daring rescue goes awry; a reunion between old lovers reminds us just how incestuous this show actually is; Regina gets a new job as a horse whisperer; and a female character’s “secret” pregnancy is revealed by looking at her husband’s balls.
This week, Snow White remembers how awesome it was to make out with Hercules, and it causes her to decide she doesn't want to be that old dishrag, Mary Margaret, anymore. Also, three cast members get head, but not in the fun way you are probably imagining . . .
Once is back for its 100th episode, and all your favorite characters from seasons past have returned. Well, at least the ones that couldn't manage to find a better job in the last five years. It's the Underworld, baby. Sometimes the Road to Hell is paved with unemployment.
Suck it, The Sopranos! Galavant got to end its (probably) series with a fade-to-black AND an epilogue scene in a place that was totally Hell, which, let’s face it, is likely where Tony Soprano ended up anyway, after the guy in the smoking jacket blew his brains out in that diner.
Because these days, a zombie plot is a rite of passage for every prime time television show . . . kind of like bar mitzvahs, or a girl’s first period . . .
This week on Galavant, GANG WARS! A DRAGON! DADDY ISSUES! A FAILED REVOLUTION! A HALTED WEDDING! A DECLARATION OF VENGEANCE! It’s all so very Game of Thrones. Galavant even gets Jon Snow-ed in the end . . .
Binge-watch this long-running teen show on Netflix this week, so you can embrace your inner whiny teenager, brush up on your use of clever hashtags, and, of course, practice your Canadian accent. Not a bad way to spend five hours, ey?
Because someone had to check up on everybody’s favorite singing swashbuckler with a sultry six pack, while the rest of the world was watching the Golden Globes!
Because sometimes random television shows with abysmal ratings get renewed, and we aren’t exactly sure why . . . BTW, did you know unicorns have a thing for virgins?